A Week In the Life of Merry and Pippin
by EternalEarth
Summary: It's amazing how much Merry and Pippin can achieve/destroy in one week. Set pre-ring, this is a story of a week in the life of tween Merry and Pippin, and charts the triumphs, games, schemes and all round idiocy of my two favourite Tolkien characters.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note: Set pre-war of the ring, this fanfiction is about the little, hopefully amusing, adventures of Merry and Pippin in the space of one week. There's not much plot in this chapter; it's more an entertaining introduction. This fanfiction was a long time in the making, and I hope you enjoy it! **

**Concerning the character's ages, I'd say Merry and Pippin are in their early twenties (possibly late teens for Pippin). And going against Tolkien, I've made Merry and Pippin's sisters and little closer in age to Pippin, as follows; Merry and Pervinca are five years older, Pimpernel is seven years older and Pearl is eleven years older. I've also put names to nameless characters on the family tree, such as Paladin's eldest sisters. **

**Oh, and I've also used both the films and the books as sources of information for various things. Anywho, that's enough of my babbling. Enjoy! And be sure to tell me what you think. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's all J.R.'s work/characters etc. **

Chapter One- Saturday

Brandy Hall was an impressive sight for anyone's eyes. Rising out of the gentle hills with breathtaking enormity, it seemed to dominate the countryside of Buckland. In this giant hill were many cosy rooms connected by rounded tunnels, forming a maze of rustic comfort. The only place comparable to it was the Great Smials, ancestral home of the Tooks.

But currently, the distinctive Took accent could be heard ringing through the corridors of Brandy Hall; usually there was only one (Merry's mother, Esmeralda, who'd been born a Took.) But now there was a clamour of them.

That's right. The Tooks were visiting. Not all of them, you understand. Not even Brandy Hall had _that _many rooms. Just Esmeralda's three sisters, Amethyst, Opal and Holly, and her brother Paladin. Oh, and all their children. Which, I suppose, was still a fair few people and consequently some of the more distant Brandybuck relations had been asked to keep out the Banquet hall for the evening, much to their annoyance.

The Tooks first afternoon had passed pleasantly enough. Except when a bird with a chronic case of diarrhoea emptied its bowels onto the kitchen ceiling window, where everyone had been eating lunch. Pippin's eldest sister Pearl, who had been sitting directly beneath, had been put right off her turkey sandwich and wasn't helped by Pippin's comment of, 'It's a good thing the window wasn't open.'

It was now evening and Brandy Hall was vibrating with merry music. The Banquet hall (only used about twice a year because it was quite far to walk to and Hobbits didn't like to exert much more effort than necessary) had been cleared of its tables and now Brandybucks, Tooks, and a few family friends were dancing an energetic jig. Pimpernel, Pippin's second eldest and most hyperactive sister, was bounding around the room, dragging her cousin Nicko behind her, who looked a little queasy.

When the song finished, Pimpernel came back to the little tables set around the room, panting. She plonked herself down next to Merry and Pippin, who were playing a game of 'who can balance an apple on their nose for the longest time.'

'Hello boys,' she said. 'You should have danced that last one!'

'No thanks, Nel,' replied Pippin. 'It was one where you have to change partners, and as much as I love you all, I didn't want to end up dancing with one of my sisters.'

Nel grinned. 'Fair enough. What's your excuse Merry?'

Merry's eyes darkened. 'Melilot.'

Melilot Brandybuck had a rather unhealthy obsession with Merry and wanted him to eat, dance, talk with her, pretty much constantly.

'Done,' announced Pearl, who was sitting opposite them. She looked up from her piece of paper. Pearl, when she wasn't helping with household tasks or mothering her siblings, liked to sketch. She'd declined to dance, mainly to spare her male partners the embarrassment of often being taller than them. But watching the dancing was evidently very inspirational, art-wise.

'Let's have a look,' said Pippin, hand outstretched. With Merry and Nel at each shoulder, he examined it. A few moments passed.

'Who's that?' Pippin asked, showing Pearl.

'Uncle Saradoc.'

'You've drawn him without a nose.'

'Oh Pip. I really don't think that matters.'

Pippin's eyes widened. 'But if he tried to sneeze, his face would blow up.'

Merry managed to speak through his laughter. 'No! Your eyes, nose, mouth and ears are all connected, so the pressure would escape elsewhere.'

Pippin thought for a moment. 'So the phlegm would shoot out his ears instead?'

'I'm not even going to ask,' said Pervinca, the third sister, catching the last bit of the conversation. She sat down next to Pearl, somewhat grumpily.

'You alright?' asked Pippin.

'Fine,' said Pervinca, bluntly.

'No, you're not,' said Merry. 'You look like this.' He stuck his bottom lip out in mock-misery.

'Oh, leave off me, Merry.'

'It's that time of the month,' Nel whispered to them.

Pervinca threw a grape at her, which went down Nel's blouse.

'Oh great,' said Nel, looking downwards. 'I'll never find that now.'

At that moment, Pippin's mother Eglantine walked over.

'Merry. Melilot wants to speak to you, darling,' she told him, with seemingly great glee.

'Oh, lord,' mumbled Merry. He slowly rose and trudged to the other side of the room, where Melilot was waving both hands enthusiastically.

Eglantine settled down in his place. 'I say! His seat's very warm.'

Pippin gave a matter-of-fact nod. 'He's probably pumped on it.'

Meanwhile, Nel had dislodged the grape and was now walking around, brandishing the fruit, asking, 'Is there a dog anywhere?'

'Strange girl,' commented Eglantine, watching her daughter ask Old Rory if his budgie liked grapes. Well, Nel was sort of shouting it, mainly because Old Rory was a bit deaf.

Eglantine sat with her children a while, admiring Pearl's sketch, ignoring Pippin's concerns about Saradoc's nose, listening to Pervinca's gossip, and dragging Nel away from Old Rory, who looked a bit frightened. Merry wandered over at one point, looking visibly exhausted.

'How many jigs?' was all Pippin asked.

'Too many.'

As the evening wore on, there were more dances danced, songs sung, food eaten, drinks drunk. In fact, it started to get rather embarrassing, especially when Paladin and Saradoc decided to start singing a rousing chorus of a rather crude tavern song. Merry and Pippin took this as their cue to Get Away. Unfortunately this meant near to Melilot's side of the room.

'For goodness sake, Pippin. No over there,' hissed Merry, dragging his cousin away from her table. 'I can't dance anymore!'

'Where shall we go, then?'

But just at that moment, Melilot stood up purposefully.

'Hide me,' hissed Merry.

'Where?' asked Pippin.

'Anywhere.'

'What about under Grandma Goold's skirt? I heard she fit five children and her cat under there once...'

But Merry had already yanked him behind the ale kegs, where they both crouched as quietly as they could.

'We can't stay here Merry,' fretted Pippin. 'At parties, Cousin Nicko always throws up behind the ale kegs; it's tradition.'

'Just a few moments longer.'

A shadow fell across them. 'Oh there you are,' boomed a voice. Merry winced and prepared to die.

But Pippin dug him sharply in the ribs. 'Open your eyes, it's only my Mum.'

'Pippin darling, could you try and find Nel. I think she might have followed Old Rory into the toilets.'

They agreed, glad to leave the threat of Melilot. They found Nel coming out the toilets.

'Nel,' said Merry wearily. 'Please stop following my granddad around.'

'What? Oh, no. That's some other old man in there. He dropped these.' She showed them a pouch containing pipes and pipeweed. 'But he's taking a long time, so I'm just going to give them to his wife.'

Merry thought quickly. 'Oh, that's okay Nel. We're going to the toilet now anyway.'

'We are?' asked Pippin.

'Yes,' said Merry firmly, giving Pippin a look. 'We're _desperate.' _

Pippin's confusion cleared, and he obligingly hopped around on the spot, crossing his legs.

'So, we can just take it to him in the bathroom,' said Merry.

'Okay!' said Nel brightly. 'I'll save you both a slice of Auntie Opal's sponge!'

Making sure she was out of sight, Merry pocketed the pipeweed and turned away from the toilet door.

Pippin paused halfway through the doorframe. 'Oh, so we're not going to the toilet anymore?'

'No.'

'Aww, I sort of want... hey, wait!' exclaimed Pippin, pointing at Merry's pocket. 'Did you just put that pouch in there?'

'Yes.'

'That's stealing!'

'Pippin,' said Merry, placing an arm around his shoulder and guiding him away from the toilet. He unfolded the pouch, and showed him. 'Look. It's some pieces of wood and pile of mangy leaves.'

'But it's _his _pieces of wood and _his_ pile of mangy leaves.'

Merry shook his head wearily. 'Pippin, my good friend. One day you will learn that if a Hobbit is careless enough to leave his belongings lying around for anyone to pick up -least of all your crazy sister- then they can't be that bothered about them.'

'But what do we need them for? Oh, of course,' said Pippin, excitedly grabbing one of the pipes and waving it about. 'We can use them as pretend swords! They're a bit short, mind. I had better ones when I was a kid-'

They were interrupted by the emergence of the old man in question. He bumbled out the bathroom, buttoning his trousers up and humming.

'Now look,' whispered Merry. 'Does that look like a man who's missing his lost items? No. And anyway, we can return the pipes to him.'

'What are we going to do with them though?' asked Pippin.

Merry just tapped the side of his nose. 'You'll find out tomorrow.'

Later on in the evening, when everyone had mellowed (e.g got to the slurring/drooling phase), Merry and Pippin found themselves also feeling tired, mainly from the abundance of food they'd eaten. In fact, Pippin was starting to feel queasiness set in. And the adults' conversation wasn't helping matters.

'Oooh, I know what you mean Eglantine,' said Merry's mother, Esmeralda, sympathetically. 'I can't eat too many parsnips either. They really upset my stomach.'

'I used to be okay with them, but it's age, isn't it darling?' said Eglantine. 'Sprouts are alright with me, though. I only get mild gas, but Paladin just about explodes. Don't you, darling?'

'Sorry?' said Paladin, looking like he'd just woken up. Which he probably had.

'Sprouts don't agree with you, do they?'

'Oh no,' agreed Paladin, his Tookish brogue stronger after a few ales. 'Definitely not. My digestion really suffers. Later on, it's like pushing out crossbow bolts...'

It was at this point that Pippin walked over to Esmeralda, interrupting this delightful conversation.

'Auntie Es,' he said in a pained voice. 'Do you mind if I be excused? I'm not feeling well.'

'Oh, of course you can, Pipsy-pops,' cooed Esmeralda, feeling his brow. 'Hmm. You've not got a temperature.'

'I think I just ate too much.'

'Well, you're in Merry's room as usual, though I wouldn't bet on the bed being made.'

Armed with a bucket, Pippin walked out the Banquet hall, down the corridor and towards Merry's room.

There was an abundance of spare rooms in Brandy Hall for Pippin to have his own, but there seemed little point, as in instances when they had been in separate rooms they'd spent the night scampering across the hallways, visiting each other. This had caused Pippin to once tread on the cat, and another time Old Rory (who was a paranoid gent at the best of times) to think they were thieves sneaking about, and had almost decapitated Merry with a frying pan. And besides, Merry's bed was huge and could easily accommodate another person. The bed had been left to him when he was seven years old by some distant aunt, who was a very large lady. The Brandybucks had been puzzled as to why she'd left such a large bed to a seven year old, and had come to two conclusions. 1) She'd had no children, and perhaps thought children liked to sleep diagonally, or 2) she thought Merry would grow to be an equal width to her. Neither, unsurprisingly, had come true.

The problem was _finding _Merry's room. The Brandybucks lived communally, but more intermediate families had their own private apartments to preserve privacy. This system made the whole place even more complex, and Pippin had still not memorised the layout. The feeling of sickness was growing, and Pippin was desperate to get to bed before he ruined the carpet. Frustrated, he experimentally opened a few doors; one revealed a library, and another a bedroom with a couple who were having a good time. They yelped when they saw him, and Pippin hastily shut the door.

After a few more cautious door openings, Pippin eventually found Merry's room. He made a mental note that it was Next To The Potted Plant. Flinging the door open wider, he collapsed onto the unmade bed, and fell asleep a few seconds later. So deep was his sleep, he did not wake when Merry stumbled in an hour later, belching loudly, before slumping down next to him.

**That's day one complete! I hope you enjoyed it. I'd love to hear some feedback, as this is my first ff in the Lord of the Rings fandom. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Everything is the property of J.R.. **

Chapter Two- Sunday

'Pip, wake up. What do you want for breakfast?'

A gentle shake roused Pippin, and he turned over to see Merry standing over him, looking slightly haggard from last night.

'What time is it?' asked Pippin.

'About ten o'clock.'

'What!' cried Pippin. 'But that means it's time for _second _breakfast.'

'Yep.'

'Well, then I'll just have to have breakfast and second breakfast combined.'

'So I'm assuming you're not feeling sick anymore? Great, so today...Oh hang on.' Merry stopped and raised a finger, listening intently.

A trickling of water could be heard from the roof. After a few unsure moments, the liquid started to splatter the building, fat drops sliding down the window. A sinister growl, low and foreboding, rumbled through the air.

'Oh, brilliant,' said Pippin, annoyed. 'A thunderstorm.'

Merry went over to the curtain and peered outside. 'Looks like we're going to have to have some indoor fun today.'

Down in the dining room, second breakfast was well underway. Most people were present, excluding Pervinca, who was still in bed (she was a very late riser and usually woke up in time for lunch).

Over breakfast, Pippin and Nel held one of their famed eating contests, with Merry as a third contestant. Today's contest was 'Who Can Eat a Whole Egg the Fastest.' This involved lots of furious chewing, muffled giggling, and sprayed yolk.

'For goodness sake! How old are you?' came Eglantine's angry call from the kitchen area. 'You can act like twits in your own company, but don't burden anyone else with it.' Eglantine had major disapproval of the eating contests. Everyone else found them rather entertaining (Paladin had even taken part in some of them, when his wife's back was turned.)

Now their game had been prematurely stopped, they were forced to argue about who had won. Eventually they settled on first place to Pippin, followed by Merry, then Nel. Merry had tried to argue that his egg had been bigger, but Pippin replied that his mouth was smaller so they balanced each other out.

After breakfast, they tore Pervinca from her bed, and rounded up some of the cousins (Nicko and Lily) so they could commence Indoor Fun. They had even managed to convince Pearl to join in, who usually saw herself as too grown up to get involved in silly games.

'Sardines!' insisted Pervinca. 'Okay, Pip, you hide first.'

He complied while everyone else counted. Merry sped the numbers up towards the end, and Pippin was about to shout _that's not fair _when he realised that this would give away his place, which was wedged down a crack between his parents' bed and the wall.

The first person to find him was Nicko, who gave Pippin a secretive grin and sidled down the crack to rest at Pippin's feet. Then came Lily, who went at the bottom, and Merry, who unceremoniously dumped himself on Pippin.

Pippin half-laughed, half-moaned.

'Argh, you're crushing my spleen.'

'Your what?'

Pippin had no time to answer, as Nel has just pelted into the room, located them and threw herself on the two of them.

'Oh, sh-' said Merry, luckily cut off with a shush from the others.

'Try not to breathe,' advised Lily.

This was coming quite easily to Pippin who now had both his cousin and his sister on top of him. He'd just been at the beginnings of blacking out when Pervinca found them only a minute later, then called out the door, 'Pearl, you lose!'

'Whoopee,' said Pippin without enthusiasm. 'Right, Nel and Merry, get off me before I pass out.'

The next half an hour was spent pleasantly (or unpleasantly, depending on how you looked at it) playing more games of sardines. The fun of it sort of balanced out the pain and claustrophobia. But after Nicko exclaimed that 'if we get any more bruised, we'll look like bananas' they decided to play the safer game of hide and seek. The highlight was when Nel managed to squeeze herself inside a kitchen cupboard, an extraordinary feat for a twenty-four year old, even a skinny one. It was a possibility that she might never have been found, had Paladin not been in urgent need of a teacup.

Even after lunch, the rain had no intention of stopping, and its relentless splatter carried on. And this rather spoiled Merry's Plan. He sat by the window, thinking about the Plan, and eventually came up with a Solution.

Pippin was reading, when he felt Merry throw something on the bed. He looked to see two pipes and the pouch of pipeweed Merry had _borrowed-without-returning _from the old man last night.

Pippin looked at it questioningly.

'Thought you might like to try it,' explained Merry.

'Aren't I a bit young?'

Merry rolled his eyes. 'Probably, yes. But Pip, there's hardly anything in there. You aren't going to keel over and die from a few puffs. Look, you don't have to if you don't want to.'

Pippin thought about it. Pipeweed was part of Hobbit culture, and besides he drank ale on special occasions, so this wouldn't be any different. Except this wasn't a special occasion. But still.

'Alright then. But we can't do it inside, and it's raining. Won't the water put the pipes out?'

And that's how Merry and Pippin found themselves huddled in the shed outside Brandy Hall. After a dramatic coughing fit, Pippin had now got his pipe-smoking technique correct enough to engage in conversation. Merry was telling Pippin about his most recent dilemma.

'So, Barney Bunce seems to be set on the notion that _I'll _be the doorman for the vegetable fair.'

'Have you said you'll do it?' asked Pippin.

'Well, yeah.'

'Then why don't you tell him you don't want to anymore. You know, give them plenty of time to find a replacement.'

'Pippin, _nobody _would volunteer for that.'

'You did.'

'Except for me. He's a good friend of my Dad's and I just don't have the heart to tell him; he sounded really enthusiastic about me doing it. He thinks I'll be _perfect._'

Pippin thought for a moment. 'Pretend you're allergic to vegetables.'

'Don't think that'll work.'

Pippin resumed his thinking stance, sucking on his pipe, but he got distracted by something on the floor.

'Oh look!' he said, pointing at a dead mouse. He picked it up and pocketed it. 'Vinca will love that...what's the matter, Merry?'

Merry was sniffing the air. 'You smell that?'

'Smell what?'

'Burning wood.' Merry's eyes widened. 'Oh no...'

If anyone were at that moment to look out onto the grounds of Brandy Hall, they would see a great deal of smoke pouring from the outside shed. And that was exactly what Pearl saw as she passed the window. She just had time to observe several frantic figures running out the burning shed before raising the alarm.

Water would have been useful at this point. But unfortunately, at that moment, the rain had abruptly decided to stop. This meant that an army of Brandybucks and Tooks were required to put out the fire, clumsily tossing water on the flames and sometimes each other. Rory was ecstatic, insisting that this had been the most interesting thing to happen all day. Not everyone was so keen. Drenched and drained from the unfamiliar exercise, most people had gone inside for a lie-down when the excitement was over. The victims inside the shed had been lucky, escaping with nothing more than ruined trousers and loss of dignity. It would be another six years before Merry and Pippin smoked pipeweed again.

Upon further investigation, the cause of a fire was discovered. A discarded match, which Merry admitted might have been something to do with him. This meant that Merry and Pippin now faced The Adults. Side by side on the sofa, they were now listening to the verbal bashing of all four of their parents.

'You're too young to smoke pipeweed!' said Paladin. 'You want to look all shrivelled up, like you've been left in the bath too long? You want to look like a giant prune and get eaten? Do you want that?'

'Paladin, darling,' said Eglantine, patting his on the shoulder. 'Let me deal with this. Look Esmeralda, we'll pay for the shed replacement.'

'Oh no. It was as much Merry's fault as it was Pippin's,' dismissed Esmeralda.

'We should at least pay half,' argued Eglantine.

'Why don't Saradoc and I just build the shed from scratch?' suggested Paladin. 'It won't take long, and beside the boys can help out. As a kind of punishment...'

'How's that a punishment?' asked Pippin, for which he received a violent elbow from Merry.

Paladin thought a moment. 'You could get splinters...'

'Dad, it'll be a disaster,' said Pearl, who was old enough to be present at this Telling-Off (unlike Nel and Vinca, who had to settle for listening at the keyhole).

'Pearl, darling,' said Eglantine disapprovingly. 'Don't belittle them so.'

'Mum, you _know _they'll destroy more of the new one than they'll build,' said Pearl.

'Thanks so much,' said Pippin sarcastically, slightly annoyed at Pearl's lack of faith in them. In contrast, Merry was just glad Pearl was trying to get them out of working.

'Eh, we shall think about it,' said Saradoc. 'In the meantime, you boys will be sent to your rooms, with a plain supper and no dessert.'

Merry frowned. 'Rooms? As in plural?'

'Yes, Meriadoc. You and Pippin can spend night apart in separate rooms, seeing as you seem to cause so much trouble when you're together.'

Merry began to protest, but his mother gave him a warning look.

'Your father is being reasonable, you know. You're lucky it isn't for the whole week.'

Merry and Pippin didn't need to look at each other to exchange thoughts. They were both depressed; it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon and they had to spend the rest of the day apart. Dejectedly, they sloped off to their separate rooms, Pearl guiding Pippin to his. When they reached the door, Pearl gave Pippin's shoulder a squeeze.

'Hey Pip, cheer up. I'll try and sneak some nicer food up to you both after dinner; I'll get our sisters to help too.'

Pippin smiled. 'Thanks Pearl.'

She squeezed his shoulder again, and then wandered away. Pippin slunk into his new bedroom, flopping pathetically onto the cold sheets.

'I'm so bored,' he moaned to himself.

So bored, in fact, that he fell asleep face down on the unblemished duvet. He awoke twenty minutes later when Pearl entered with his dinner, complete with craftily-sneaked edible gems. He enjoyed his meal immensely, especially the forbidden food, which included meat-balls, roast potatoes and iced cakes. He enjoyed it so much that he didn't mind when he almost choked to death on a piece of thread that had come from one of his sister's dresses.

After Pearl had collected his dirties, Pippin found himself bored again and his thoughts turned to his coat pocket. He remembered the mouse he'd put in there earlier. He took it out and noticed it had turned a little black from the fire. A smiled slid across his face as he remembered the words he'd said when he first found it; _Vinca will love this_.

Pippin leapt from the bed in a purposeful manner, and opened the round door of his room a crack. He looked, listened, sniffed, to ensure the corridor was clear before slinking down to Vinca's room and executing his rather mean plan. Satisfied, Pippin crept back to his own room and sat tight.

It didn't take long for a scream to ring down the hallway; just what Pippin was hoping for. But unfortunately this scream was followed by angry thudding down the corridor. The door was flung open, and behind it stood Vinca, fuming. He could almost see the wisps of anger rising from her. He plastered an innocent expression to his face, but Vinca was not fooled.

'Pippin,' she said dangerously. 'What in Middle-earth is a singed mouse doing under my duvet?'

'Well... not much.'

'You know what I mean! How did it get there?' raged Vinca.

'Cat.'

'What cat can pull back a duvet back, carefully place a mouse down without leaving bite marks, then thoughtfully put the duvet back, smoothing the creases out?'

Pippin thought a moment. 'A _trained _cat.'

Vinca exploded. 'Pippin, just get rid of it! I know it was you.'

'You can't prove it was me. It might have been one of the cousins.'

'Pippin, the mouse is burnt. Who else has been in a fire today?'

Pippin then realised that the only other person he could blame was Merry. And there was no way he was going to do that.

'Okay, it was me.'

'Well, obviously!' snapped Vinca, not humbled by his confession. 'Get rid of it! Now!'

Sighing and complaining throughout, Pippin followed orders, flinging the charred rodent out the window. Afterwards, he was about to leave, but halted and shifted awkwardly.

'Are... are you going to tell Mum and Dad?'

'We'll see. I might be able to think of something worse for you.' She motioned to the door. 'You can go now. But you'd better watch your back.'

These words chilled Pippin, and when he returned to his room, he felt compelled to draw up a list of possible nasty things Vinca could do. Just to prepare himself.

_Ways Vinca could ruin tomorrow:_

_1) Telling Mum and Dad. This is most likely. I mean, can she really be bothered to think of a proper plan? I don't think so. The girl's not as smart as me._

_2) She might spread some terribly embarrassing secrets, such as the time I'd been swimming in the lake and an eagle flew off with my trousers, forcing me to half-run, half-crouch through Tuckborough. Only Merry and Cousin Lily know about that one; Lily had been trimming the bush I was trying to hide behind, when I'd had no choice but to call 'Watch those shears.'_

_3) She could attack me. Come to think of it, the girl is pretty violent. But I'm still not convinced she'd risk tearing her dress. _

Pippin stopped writing. There was just no telling what Vinca would do. But writing it all down had passed a pleasant quarter of an hour, but Pippin was now bored again. And a bored Pippin is not a good thing to be. He desperately wanted to see Merry; what was the point of coming all the way to Buckland if they weren't together?

Finally, he couldn't' stand it any longer. He just _had _to get into Merry's room. But how? He couldn't go down the corridor. He didn't want to risk being caught, especially with Vinca on the prowl. Then a most ridiculous idea struck him. And that was exactly why Pippin did it of course.

Over in Merry's room, things were equally as uneventful. About an hour ago, Nel had made a surprise visit to his room, bearing a tray of delicious (but disallowed) foods. She had also later collected his dirties, to avoid discovery by the adults. But Merry wished she could have been a bit quieter. She had walked through his door and straight into his bookshelf. Then, when she had been bending to retrieve his dishes, she'd smacked her head on his bedside table, sending an oil lamp flying, and had it not been for Merry's expert catching-skills, would have smashed on the floor. The covert approach she'd been aiming for had failed somewhat, but luckily no adults came to investigate the noises and unladylike cursing.

Like most people who engaged with Nel for too long, he found himself needing a lie-down. And naturally, Merry's room was full of books, so he grabbed one and lay on the bed.

He was just reaching a particularly gripping part of the story when he heard it. A faint tapping at the window. Startled, Merry got out of bed holding his book aloft (with an ambitious plan to use it as a weapon should the need arise) and went over to the window.

'Merry!'

Merry gave a yelp. On the other side of the window was Pippin, his beaming smile the only bright thing in the gloom. He was balanced precariously on the sloping grass hill to the right of Merry's window.

Merry couldn't help but grin. 'You climbed along the side of my house to see me?'

'I did,' confirmed Pippin.

'I'm surprised I couldn't hear you. You must be really stealthy, Pippin. Come in then.'

Pleased his plan had worked, Pippin started to clamber through the window. It was then that he snagged his foot on the frame. Shame, really. He'd put all that effort into staying silent, dodging windows, slinking through shadows and now he'd been thwarted by a rectangle of wood.

Toppling forwards, Pippin landed heavily on Merry's chest of draws, causing a loud bang and a clattering rainfall as objects fell from it. Then he sort of rolled off that too, and landed painfully on the ground.

Silence.

'Ow,' said Pippin eventually.

'Are you okay?' asked Merry.

'Maybe. I just hope that part of my spine wasn't important.'

But suddenly, there were bigger problems. Merry and Pippin heard the dreaded sound of footsteps down the corridor, and adult voices.

'Ah,' said Merry, which hardly covered it.

The door flew open, and there stood Eglantine. She took one glance at the scene before her.

'Care to explain, boys?'

**Hope you enjoyed! Chapter three coming soon. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's the property of J.R.. **

Chapter Three- Monday

'Of all the moronic, dangerous, irresponsible things to do, Peregrin Took, clambering about on the outside of Brandy Hall in the middle of the night and with a potentially fatal drop below you, was indeed the most moronic, dangerous and irresponsible.'

This was perhaps not the most caring or gentle awakening Pippin's mother had ever administered. But it was deserved. When Merry and Pippin had been discovered in their unfortunate predicament, the adults had decided not to shout at them then and there, as it would wake up the whole of Brandy Hall. Pippin had simply been marched back to his bedroom, and both boys had been roused that morning to be met with a telling-off instead of breakfast.

'I don't even know how you managed it,' puzzled Paladin.

Pippin didn't either, really. He'd just sort of edged along the sloping Hall sides, which provided a vague platform. Brandy Hall had looked rather stunning at night; the immense Smial had been covered with a jumbled stretch of glowing, round windows, lighting up the outlines of the distant hills.

But just like inside Brandy Hall, Pippin has trouble finding Merry's room. He'd decided to use a process of elimination, and look inside every window that he came across. Unfortunately one of these windows was the bedroom window of the same couple he walked in on yesterday, who had been enjoying themselves. And they saw him too, despite his best efforts to scoot past their window quickly. The wind had buffered him, he stumbled a few times, and a pigeon deposited something unpleasant on his shoulder. But his journey's trials were forgotten when he'd found Merry's room. Until it was cut short.

'Also,' said Eglantine, frowning. 'We've had complaints from Mr and Mrs. Boffin that you've been stalking them or something, so you'd better apologise to them later.'

'So,' said Saradoc. 'So far, you've both managed to burn down the shed, commit theft, break a dressing table, almost kill yourself on the side of Brandy Hall and ruin several sets of clothes.'

Merry and Pippin nodded.

'I don't understand how you've managed to do all that in 48 hours,' said Paladin, looking genuinely puzzled.

'Natural talent,' said Pippin.

'Genetically inherited, of course,' added Merry.

In the end, Merry and Pippin got off pretty lightly. Their punishment was to assist with the washing-up for the rest of the week, and Pippin had been made to apologise to the alarmed couple he was allegedly stalking. But thankfully, Merry and Pippin had been put in the same room again, as the adults thought it best before all the bedroom furniture was demolished.

When the adults had finished their rant, they dispersed from the living room to cook breakfast/watch breakfast being cooked. Pippin's three sisters drifted in and settled themselves on the various sofas.

'Oi, Vinca,' hissed Pippin. 'Thanks for not telling Mum about the mouse. I owe you one.'

'That's okay.' She stood up and crossed over to him, hand outstretched. 'Truce?'

Pippin began to shake it, but was distracted by Vinca's shout of 'Now!' The other two sisters sprang up and charged over to Pippin. Merry wisely moved out the way.

Pippin cowered. 'Oh, no no no no no. Come on, girls! Don't!'

His complaints fell on merciless ears. The girls held him down on the sofa; Nel sat on his legs, Pearl pinned his arms, and Vinca began to tickle him. One may think this is not much of a punishment, but Pippin, like many people, deem tickling to be pure torture.

Pippin continued his fruitless protesting. 'Please! Three against one... n-not fair! Arrrgghh! STOP IT! I can't stand it! You're killing me! You're killing me!'

By now, his sisters and Merry were in hysterics, watching Pippin's wild struggling and listening to his deafening yells. Pure overreaction.

Pippin saw his mother enter the room with dirty laundry. Rescue at last.

'Mum, help me!'

'With what?'

'Can't you see? They're TORTURING ME!'

'Oh Pippin, don't be ridiculous,' replied his mother, looking not the least bit concerned about his plight.

Pippin couldn't believe it. 'What the... Please help!'

'I think you're managing fine on your own.' She left the room, a smile tugging at her mouth.

'MUUUUUUUUM...'

After a few more unbearable seconds, Pervinca finally relented, and Pippin was freed.

'Oww, Nel you made my legs go dead. I can't believe you two took part in this,' said Pippin, looking with hurt eyes from Pearl to Nel.

'Well you shouldn't have put that mouse in Vinca's bed; you know she's afraid of them,' said Pearl fairly. 'I'm sorry if I hurt you.'

'I'm not,' said Pervinca.

'Neither am I,' said Nel, lying back on the sofa, giggling.

'Never go in my room again,' warned Pervinca, hitting him with a cushion for emphasis.

Pippin kicked her back, but before a full-blown fight broke out, Eglantine summoned them to breakfast, and as usual food took priority.

'What are you kids going to do today?' asked Saradoc.

Some replies on 'don't know' and 'gardening' (and what sounded like 'log-balancing' from Nel).

'Pip and I are going for a wander through Buckland,' replied Merry. 'Pretty much right now... oh, well as soon as Pippin has finished his egg.'

'Ab dalmost duh.'

'You're not going anywhere until you've done the washing up, as your punishment states,' said Eglantine.

Groans came from the boys, and a satisfied smile from Pervinca.

Merry and Pippin needed constant supervision during washing-up. They got more water on themselves than in the tub, they repeatedly used the wrong cloths, and they broke two plates (although Merry dropped one on purpose, because Vinca had been walking past.)

'We have to find a way of avoiding this,' muttered Merry to Pippin, who nodded grimly, having just broken his plate when being jumped by Merry breaking his.

When every shard of pottery had been swept from the floor, the boys were allowed out.

Unlike yesterday, the weather was good, and the sun was shining through the thin wisps of cloud. The Brandywine rippled by them. The waters were occasionally crowned with a boat, usually containing some lazy Bucklander asleep, hat over one eye, fishing rod held loosely in one hand. After a while of strolling along a vague path the cut through the hills, Pippin suddenly halted, eyes wide with bewilderment.

'What's the matter, Pip?' queried Merry.

'When I walk I can hear something rattling in my skull.'

Merry snorted. 'Don't be daft.'

Caustiously, Pippin began to walk forwards again. He gave a yelp.

'There it is again. I heard it.'

'You're just listening for it now.'

'No, I'm not. I can hear it.'

'You are, you're panicking over nothing.'

'I'm _not. _I've never had this before.' Pippin's eyes widened. 'I bet it's that pipeweed. People say it carries health risks.'

Merry rolled his eyes. 'You had about five puffs. It won't have done anything, least of all dislodged a piece of your brain.'

'Oh Merry, that's the last time I'll ever-'

His cry was halted by a cheery call of 'Hello there Master Meriadoc, and Master Peregrin.'

'Good morning, Miss Clayhanger,' Merry called to the elderly lady, who had appeared at the door of a hobbit hole.

'How is life keeping you?' asked Miss Clayhanger.

'Not bad. Some family have come up from Tuckborough, so the hall is very lively at the moment.'

'Oh, do be careful,' warned Miss Clayhanger. 'Don't bring the place down. I never trusted those mansion-smials. My brother has always been convinced that it's only a matter of time before the hill caves in from all those tunnels.'

Merry and Pippin exchanged an alarmed glance.

'Well I won't be keeping you, boys. Oh, and Master Merry, it's so good of you to volunteer to be the doorman for the fair,' she said, beaming away. 'It's made Barney ever so happy.'

Merry winced. 'It's nothing. Goodbye Miss Clayhanger.'

They carried on down the path.

'Why don't you just tell Barney you don't want to be the doorman?' asked Pippin.

'I can't. I bet he's told the whole of Buckland by now. Self-absorbed twit.'

'Exactly! He's using you and your... status! Your status as the Master of Buckland's son,' exclaimed Pippin. 'That's like false advertising, saying _Look! The Master's son eats our vegetables! They must be the best vegetables in Buckland!'_

'Hmm. Not down that road, Pippin,' said Merry suddenly, yanking his friend by his scarf.

'Arck. You almost strangled me! And don't manhandle the scarf; I've had it since I was, like, seven, and you go and destroy it-'

'I didn't _destroy _it. It's just a bit creased. Sorry, alright?'

'Okay, but why not down that road?'

'I want to avoid Newbury. Or anywhere with people. I'm fed up of being congratulated, and told I'm Barney's saviour.'

Pippin gave him a look. 'You just wanna avoid Barney himself, don't you?'

'Yeah.'

Merry took them on a long, exhilarating walk through several fields, and over many hills. They passed the time by eating berries, rolling down hills (unfortunately one of these hills turned out to have a smial beneath it, and Merry and Pippin were chased off, accused of crushing the roof-garden), stick-fighting, and playing Make Up A Song About The First Thing You See After Shutting Then Opening Your Eyes Again.

They were right in the heat of the game, when the very person they were avoiding rounded the corner. Barney Bunce. Unfortunately, Pippin hadn't seen him in time to stop his 'Two rabbits mating' song.

'_Oh, they found a handy rock_

_Where Mr. Rabbit whipped out his-'_

Merry gave him an almighty nudge. Pippin stopped, and grinned at Barney, who looked a bit scared.

'Hello, Barney,' said Merry, forced smile in place.

'Hello Master Merry. Master Peregrin,' he said jollily. 'Just saw you boys stick-fighting down the road. You almost had each other's heads off. I hope that comes in useful if anyone tries to queue-jump at the vegetable fair.'

'Well, about that-'

'Be glad to see you there. Mustn't keep you. Bye bye, now,' said Barney, giving Merry and winding pat on the back, before walked off up the path.

Pippin began to open his mouth.

'Don't say a word,' threatened Merry.

Wisely, Pippin's mouth shut.

Several minutes later, during which Merry pretended to have a violent coughing fit every time someone passed, they came across a little cottage that Merry stopped in front of.

'Hey! This is where they make Buckland pipeweed.'

'Buckland has a branch of pipeweed?' asked Pippin, surprised. The Southfarthing was usually deemed to be 'pipeweed country.'

'Yeah, the stuff we had the other day.' Merry began to walk towards it.

'What are you doing?' asked Pippin.

'Just seeing if anyone's in,' replied Merry casually.

'You said you weren't going to touch that stuff again until you were older,' protested Pippin, but following him regardless.

'I'm just seeing if anyone's in. Phew, what's that smell?' said Merry, sniffing the air with a distasteful expression.

'Whoa, what are you doing?' asked Pippin, alarmed.

Merry had one foot over the fence at the side of the house.

'I'm just seeing where that smell's coming from.' He hopped nimbly over the fence, and disappeared from sight. Pippin attempted to follow, snagging his scarf on the fence.

'Hey look at this, Pip,' called Merry.

When Pippin rounded the back of the house, Pippin saw the backyard. Merry was crouched down, looking at a pile of brown manure, strange liquids and odd cuttings.

'This,' said Merry, 'is not normal.'

When Merry and Pippin returned to Brandy Hall late afternoon, the first thing they did was get Pippin's scarf-hole sewed up, as Pippin couldn't cope with his beloved scarf being damaged for too long. After some persuasion, Vinca agreed to mend it, whilst the boys, and Nel, watched. Nel had volunteered to sew it, but Pippin had hastily declined (Nel was notoriously bad at needlework, and had once been mending a pillowcase, only to accidently sew it onto the dress she was wearing.)

'Poor scarf,' said Nel. She picked up the other scarf end, and waggled it about, as if it was speaking.

'Oh, Pippin, how could you treat me like this? You traitor,' she said in quavery voice.

'Why does my scarf sound like my grandma?' asked Pippin.

'How'd you snag it anyway?' asked Vinca.

'On a thorn-bush.'

Both his sisters looked at him, then looked at each other.

'You're a really bad liar,' said Vinca.

'Fine, but you have to promise not to tell.'

And so Merry and Pippin told them the pipeweed story.

'I wouldn't go back there,' said Vinca, cutting the thread. 'You've got no business to.'

'But they could be making some dangerous crop of pipeweed,' said Merry. 'You didn't see the stuff they had there.'

'Leave it,' warned Vinca. She tossed Pippin's scarf at him. 'I'm done. Now, away with you all.'

Next, Merry and Pippin decided to find the adults, to see how the shed reconstruction was going.

Not very well, was the answer. This was due to the unfortunate circumstance that much of Brandy Hall's supply of wood had been inside the shed itself when it had burnt down. Several of the adults had spent the last few hours trying to find an alternative source of wood. The first thing Merry and Pippin heard upon entering was Paladin's exasperated cry of 'if someone brings me one more mangy log fished out the Brandywine, I will scream.'

They found Saradoc leaning against the kitchen cupboards, tea in hand, and waistcoat buttons undone.

Pippin, the slightly more sympathetic of the two, said 'sorry about this, Uncle. We'll help out tomorrow if you like.'

Saradoc seemed more worried about this than grateful, and just mumbled 'we'll see, boys.'

A few moments of silence passed. Merry cleared his throat.

'Daaaad,' said Merry carefully.

'Yeeees.'

Merry thought of how to say it, without giving himself away. 'If you'd seen something that didn't look quite right, and you weren't sure, what would you do?'

Saradoc frowned. 'You'll have to be a bit clearer than that, Merry. I've got no clue what you're talking about.'

'Well, if you'd got a feeling that something wasn't quite right, but you weren't sure. Would you tell someone, leave it, or investigate some more?'

His father thought. After a while he said, 'Well, I suppose I'd investigate some more.'

'Thanks Dad.'

As they were walking back down the corridor, Merry whispered to Pippin. 'My Dad's just given us indirect permission to turn that farm upside-down.'

Pippin winced. 'This won't be good...'

**Hope you enjoyed. Chapter Four will be up soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It is all the property of J.R.R. Tolkien. **

**Enjoy!**

Chapter Four- Tuesday

'Okay, go! …And Pippin's choking already,' observed Pervinca.

Today's breakfast eating contest was 'eating a bacon rasher without any hands'. It was their third contest that morning, taking full advantage of the adult's absence from the table, who were frantically making last minute preparations for the family picnic. This involved finding many c0ntainer-like things, (one looked suspiciously like Rory's old chamber pot), enquiring about allergies and trying to fit it all in the baskets.

Eglantine came in suddenly, fretting aloud. 'I have no idea what desserts to bring… OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE. ALL YOUR AGES ARE IN DOUBLE FIGURES, SO EAT PROPERLY!'

The three competitors guiltily swallowed their bulging mouthfuls.

'And you,' shouted Eglantine, turning on her husband who'd been pretending to be engrossed in some yellowing parchment about hobbit weaponry. 'You should know better. I hope you won't let them eat like this at the picnic.'

'Oh, what _are_ we eating at the picnic mum?' asked Pippin eagerly.

'Sure you'd rather not graze with the cattle?' said Eglantine, still annoyed. 'We're having the usual; sandwiches, meats, trifles, sponges, pies… everything.'

Pearl walked in carrying a tray heaped with sandwiches.

'Auntie Opal has reminded me that she's allergic to chicken, so we need to make more lamb ones, and cousin Lily doesn't want crusts on her sandwiches.'

'Wait a second… what are all those bite marks?' asked her mother.

'Uncles Saradoc wanted to make sure we were putting enough butter on them.'

Esmeralda emerged from the back of the kitchen. 'I've just thought; how on earth are we going to transport a jelly?'

That seemed to be a question concerning a lot of the food, and consequently everybody was called to help pack it. But it was more complicated that first perceived; the fruit couldn't go in with the deserts on principle, foods that people were allergic to had to be on their own for fear of contamination, and everything had to be wrapped with paper and bedded down with feathers from an old pillow, to prevent Bashing. By the end, everyone was feeling quite pleased with themselves. But this careful packing became somewhat wasted when Rory promptly sat on it when climbing in the cart.

The journey to the picnic site took longer than expected due to an unwelcomed scenic route through a muddy field. Once the carts were unstuck, they went round the same clump of trees five times because Paladin couldn't identify the right road (though he protested it was because the ponies were being uncooperative). Eventually they found the correct road, but all that going round in circles meant that Nicko was feeling very queasy. Merry and Pippin, who'd been sitting opposite him, called for an emergency stop of the cart, and while waiting for the sickness to pass, a rogue dog wandered over and peed on one of the cart wheels, a smell that (as it would turn out) excited other dogs.

Mid-journey, Pippin idly looked behind and did a double take.

'Dad, why is there a gang of dogs chasing the cart?'

The response was a swear word, whilst Merry unhelpfully burst out laughing.

'Don't worry, kids. We'll shake them off,' called Paladin.

What followed was several minutes of frantic detours, speeding along lanes at five miles an hour until they chanced upon a shallow stream which they drove through, injuring several ducks in the process.

Drenched, and forty-five minutes later than expected, members of the Brandybuck and Took clans swamped the innocent little picnic field. No sooner had the carts stopped, than three-year old Billy, (a second-cousin to Merry and Pippin) had hurtled from his seat and charged across the field in the direction of the woods. Luckily, Eglantine managed to halt him before he got too far, drawing from her long, hard experience of bringing up Pippin.

Although Pippin still proved a handful these days. He was currently having his hand slapped by Pearl, who'd caught him sneaking a jam scone.

'Not before we all sit down, Pippin. And in future, if you're going to try and 'sneak' food, try not stretching your arm across me, in full view.'

'Yes Pearl,' said Pippin, resigned.

But despite Pearl's warning, by the time Pippin had reached on of the blankets his pockets were bulging and the basket he was carrying was considerably lighter. He shared his choice items with Merry, ensuring Pervinca didn't see, who had decided to sit at the same blanket.

Wrapped in the calm lull of the warm afternoon, the Hobbits settled down to what they did best; eating. Nature's symphony began; rustling leaves, birds cawing, the rattle of a distant cart, all the while the sun beat down. Yes, the picnic was a blissfully peaceful affair. To a degree.

For the younger Hobbits, it was a chance to have picnic-themed eating contests, such as 'licking the jam and cream off scones without your hands,' which Pippin won, insisting he was using the power of his mind to keep the scone still.

'Bit old for believing that you're magical,' remarked Pervinca.

'Gandalf's old, and he's magical,' argued Pippin.

'That's because he's a wizard.'

'I think their beards are the source of their power,' theorised Merry. 'Bilbo always said that Gandalf is always grumpiest when he's had a beard trim.'

'Gandalf's always grumpy,' muttered Pippin.

'Only with you,' said Vinca.

'Yeah,' agreed Pimpernel. 'I think sitting on his pointy hat at your first meeting didn't really get things off to a good start.'

'I was only six. And anyway- whoa!' Pippin was interrupted as Billy ran off for the third time that lunch, pelting past their blanket. Bizarrely, the adults sent Old Rory to run after him. A rather unsuitable choice, sending an 80 year old to chase after a kamikaze infant, when there were so many healthy youngsters who would have been far more effective.

Eventually he was caught, and whilst the adults were arguing about whether they should tie him to a tree, Merry felt a tickle run over his leg. Irritated, he looked down to see a spider mistaking his ankle for food. He was about to flick it off when Pippin grabbed his hand. Pippin picked the spider up, and looked pointedly at Pervinca's glass of juice.

'Pippin, don't do anything you'll regret later,' warned Nel.

But the memory of the group tickling overrode any scrap of logic that Pippin's mind possessed (which wasn't a lot). Without any further thought, as per usual, he plopped the scuttling insect inside Vinca's glass while her back was turned. Nel looked about ready to open her mouth, but Pippin shot her a pleading look, while Merry shot her a threatening one. It wasn't clear which she responded to, but her mouth shut (but opened again a few seconds later, to make way for a large spoonful of trifle).

Merry and Pippin subtly glanced at the writhing mass of black legs bobbing on the surface of Vinca's drink. Vinca took an excruciatingly long time to take a drink, but when she did, she let out a muffled yell, and spat a fountain of orange juice back into the glass. Something spindly came out with it. With a scream that could have revived the now-dead spider, Vinca shot to her feet, stumbling backwards and almost ploughing into little Billy, who'd run off again. She then performed some unladylike spitting.

'Pervinca darling, what are you doing?' called her mother's voice.

'Did I put too much brandy in the trifle?' fretted Esmeralda.

'It's- it's not you, Auntie. It's that!' splutter Pervinca, pointing to the spider that Nel was prodding with her fork in an attempt to resuscitate it.

'Pippin!' snapped Vinca. 'How'd a spider get in my drink?'

'A tree.'

'We aren't under any trees.'

'A bird could have dropped it; be thankful it wasn't something else, if you know what I mean,' said Pippin, winking. 'You know, I think you're overreacting a bit.'

'Me?' said Pervinca, sitting back down. 'You're the one who can't let go of a grudge. We tickled you. Get over it.'

Pervinca and Pippin said nothing else to each other for the rest of the meal. When the youngsters had eaten all they could, they began to grow restless and seek other forms of entertainment. A human pyramid was suggested. Pervinca sat sullenly, eating the last slice of sponge cake that Paladin had offered in an attempt to brighten her mood. Pippin, though he enjoyed teasing, also had a sympathetic nature, asked Pervinca to join in the human pyramid.

'Nope,' answered Pervinca, turning her head away.

'C'mon Pip, let her sulk,' said Merry, dragging him away.

Human pyramids were a popular, but strange, practice amongst Hobbits. Pippin had always been small for his age, and when he was younger, he'd automatically be plonked at the top. But since he'd hit his tweens, he'd been promoted, (or demoted, depending on how you looked at it) to the middle of the pyramid. This particular human pyramid managed to stand for a full five seconds, before Billy ploughed into it, scattering the participants mid-cheer.

Another quiet atmosphere settled. Bored easily, Nel grabbed her siblings, and Merry, and all five of them went into the woodlands that bordered the picnic site. These woods seemed like a different world, detached from the noisy field. Pearl, standing there in her white dress and elegantly tall stature, seemed particularly ethereal.

'Let's play hide and seek,' exclaimed Nel, clapping her hands.

Pearl sighed. 'How old are you again?'

'For your lack of enthusiasm, which you didn't attempt to hide, you can count first,' said Nel, flashing her sister a smile, before charging off into the trees (and getting her dress hooked on several branches).

'C'mon Pip,' whispered Merry. 'Let's hide further in the forest. I know a few places.'

'You don't have to do everything together, you know,' commented Vinca.

'Yes we do,' chorused Merry and Pippin.

'Wow, brilliant hiding spot Merry. It's just great,' said Pippin's sarcastically.

'Well I challenge you to find a better one,' replied Merry, sounding slightly muffled, on account of being lodged in the middle of a thorn bush.

'I could probably have found a more _comfortable _one,' said Pippin, wedged in the hollow of a tree.

'Shush, or Pearl will find us.'

Five minutes passed, and Pippin was getting more and more bored, till eventually he shouted 'have you started looking yet?'

'A ha, found you,' said Pearl, peeking in.

'Pippin!' cried Merry.

'Whoops, sorry, I forgot. Help me out then… out, not in!' Pippin cried to Merry, who'd been attempting to push him further inside the tree.

After Merry and Pippin had been de-wedged, they found Vinca in a pile of leaves, and Nel up a tall tree.

'Get up here,' called Nel. 'It's a great view.'

'Hold on,' said Vinca, running off. 'I'll get us some more food to bring up.'

'Come on Pearl, get you dainty backside up here,' called Nel.

'Oh I'm too old for this,' said Pearl.

'Rubbish,' came the chorus of replies.

Pearl still managed to look elegant, even when being dragged impatiently head-first into a tree. Vinca brought up more food, and soon a cosy atmosphere settled. Some time passed in silence, the five Hobbits lying back sleepily in the warm shade of the tree top, stomachs bulging to their limits.

Pimpernel roused herself enough to speak. 'Tell us a story, Pearl.'

'A story? Aren't you a bit old for that?'

'Tell us a more adult story then,' said Merry.

'Merry!'

'Only joking.'

'C'mon Pearl,' encouraged Pippin.

'Oh, well,' said Pearl, relenting. 'I suppose we haven't had many stories about our grandfather, Adalgrim.'

And so Pearl began her story.

_Many people complain, as Hobbits do, that the Took accent can be difficult to understand. Well, then they should have heard Adalgrim; whenever he spoke, it was like a different language. _

'_Arr ye not going tae spek aboot yer summerr teh meh, Pearl lass?'_

_Even other Tooks sometimes couldn't understand him. And he never toned his accent down for non-Tooks either. Mind you, he always was a traditionalist. When Mum kept having daughters, he urged Dad to keep going until they had a son. Mum and Dad said they didn't mind having only daughters, and that there were plenty of other lines of Tooks for the Thainship to pass down. But in the end Mum and Dad, independently, decided they wanted one final child. Dad was adamant; 'son or not, it's our last.'_

_Mum was convinced it was another girl, frequently referring to her baby bump as 'the fourth daughter.' I don't think they thought it fertilely possible for them to have a son. When it was time for the baby to arrive, the whole family congregated outside the bedroom. I sat with my sisters, hearing Merry repeatedly ask Auntie Es 'Mummy, why is Auntie Eglantine making strange noises?'_

_When Dad emerged from the bedroom, looking like he'd just given birth himself, and told us the news, me, Nel and Vinca jumped up and screamed over and over 'we've got a brother!' And when I saw the little bundle I immediately fell in love. Granddad was pleased. _

_But Pippin proved to be a handful right from the start, choking on his food, and even going blue sometimes, scaring Mum and Dad and making mealtimes very tense affairs. _

'_Maybe it's a boy thing?' Dad suggested._

_But Auntie Es said that Merry had never done anything like that. Concerned, they asked around for some more theories. Suggestions ranged from Pippin having unusually small airways, being a difficult child, or that he actually wasn't a Hobbit because he found eating difficult. _

_Granddad tried speaking to Pippin, to encourage him. 'Noo, c'mown ma lad, eat up. Doon't ya wannay be haylthy lake ya sesters?'_

_But it was useless. At only three weeks old, Pippin couldn't even understand normal speech, never mind Granddad's thick dialect. _

_Nobody need have worried. As soon as he was on solids, Pippin proved himself to have a huge appetite. Eating turned into his main hobby, along with music. By the age of eight, Pippin could play four of the six instruments he can play today, and to a reasonable level too. He also sang, and liked to make up songs. Granddad thought Pippin to be very talented, and each time Granddad came over, he asked Pippin to sing him a new song. _

_One day, just before one of Granddad's visits, Merry and I found Pippin curled up on his bed, looking uncharacteristically miserable. We asked him what the matter was._

_He said, 'I haven't thought of a new song for Granddad, and I really don't feel like singing.'_

_As much as I'm ashamed, Merry and I laughed. _

'_Don't be silly, Pip,' Merry said, wise for his years. 'If you really don't want to do something, then you just need to say. It's good to be nice to people, but sometimes you need to do what you want as well. C'mon, let's go to see Granddad.'_

_Pippin explained to Granddad falteringly that he didn't have a song prepared and that he was very sorry. Granddad was silent a few moments. Merry and I held our breath, and released it when Granddad burst out laughing. _

'_Thart's alrate. Hoo aboot ah teach you a song?'_

_And from then on, Pippin was never afraid to say when he didn't want to do something. _

'Good story, Pearl,' said Nel.

'Yes,' said Pippin, who was looking curiously at Merry. 'Some people could do with following their own advice, eh Merry? Saying no when you don't want to do something.'

Merry gave him a warning look. The girls looked confused. 'What's this about?' asked Vinca.

'I'll just say two words; vegetable fair,' said Pippin, pronouncing them very slowly.

'Erm, okay,' said Pearl, still confused. 'Well, it's getting darker. We'd best be getting back now.'

Nel leapt down from the tree and landed in a pile of something unpleasant. Sometimes being barefoot was a disadvantage. While they waited for Nel to wash her foot in a brook, Merry sidled over to Pippin.

'I've been thinking; what should we do about that pipeweed farm?' asked Merry.

'Do we need to do anything?' replied Pippin.

Merry rolled his eyes. 'Yes! It's dodgy, people might suffer.'

'Not like the farmer is murdering people.'

'Who knows. You didn't see the consistency of that dung,' said Merry in a low voice. 'Who knows what diseases people will catch.'

Pippin thought a few moments. 'They're not smoking the _dung_, though.'

It was at this point, Merry abandoned the conversation.

Vinca was certainly one to bear a grudge. That evening, when everybody had returned, Vinca remembered that Merry and Pippin were on washing up duty. And so, resourceful as ever, she made sure to dirty as many items of cutlery as she possibly could, through a serious of dramatic 'mishaps'. She dropped her cutlery on the floor and in things she was 'allergic' to, and had to get new ones. At the end of the meal, she'd worked her way through nine spoons, five knives and seven forks. She'd also managed to spread golden syrup over three plates, which sets as hard as stone if left for long enough (and Vinca definitely made sure it was left for long enough.)

As a result, Merry and Pippin were left with a mountain of washing up, instead of the usual hill. This, of course, was going to trigger a reaction. When Vinca returned to look at her drawing of a horse that she had working on all week, she found a pile of steaming droppings had been drawn in. When confronted, Pippin said that he thought her artwork needed more realism. Vinca considered thinking of a plot to get him back, but decided she was fed up of all these complex pranks.

So instead, she kicked him hard in his crown jewels. It was a rather painful end to the day.

Later that night, Merry urged Pippin to go to bed early, as they _needed to keep up their strength for tomorrow._

'Why?' said Pippin, alarmed. 'What's happening tomorrow?'

'I've decided. We,' said Merry. 'Are going on a farm-raid.'

**How will their investigations turn out? Find out in the next chapter, coming soon. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Note to the person who asked if Pippin really did have three sisters, the answer is, yes he did. His sisters are recorded by Tolkien in the Took family tree. I've altered their ages only slightly, and obviously given them personalities, but their names are the same. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. It's all the property of J.R.. **

Chapter Five- Wednesday

'C'mon Pip, wake up. We're going to do this _today_,' said Merry, shaking him.

'Do what?' mumbled Pippin, sounding like he wasn't in the mood to do anything much.

'I told you last night; we're going to investigate the pipe-weed farm of course,' said Merry, as if it was an everyday activity. 'Take evidence. Present it to the Shirrif. I just _know _this stuff isn't being made in a manner the Shire-folk would approve of.'

'Merry,' said Pippin, still horizontal. 'This has got nothing to do with us. I plan to never touch the stuff again until I'm way older, and I don't want to land myself in more trouble. I'm struggling to dig myself out as it is.'

Merry tried a different tactic. 'Fine. But let's go out anyway. It's a nice day, see.'

Merry drew back the curtains, pointing at the dazzling sun. Pippin moaned, and shrunk back into the bed, pillow over his face. 'Close it.'

'C'mon Pip. Let's go out.'

'What, so you can lead us on an _accidental _detour to the farm? I'm not stupid you know.'

No response.

'Hey!'

Pippin was one of those people who once they actually got out of bed, felt an unstoppable energy surge through them, and couldn't wait to start the day. Still cautious of Merry's plans, Pippin invited his sisters along in the hope that if at least one of them was present, Merry would be less inclined to cause trouble. But all three of them were occupied that day; Pearl was helping Esmeralda plant a new cabbage patch, Vinca was spending time with some of the female cousins, and Nel was going to try and make a sculpture out of dead wood with Nicko. So there was nothing for it; Pippin would just have to make sure he didn't get swept along by Merry and made to do something he regretted.

On the way, Merry's tactic was to distract Pippin with games to occupy the travelling time and to prevent him from asking too many questions. One such game was 'tag.'

'You're it,' said Merry, before dashing off, only to crash straight into a cartwheel.

'Ah, young Merry. We always seem to be bumping into each other, don't we?'

Merry looked up to see Barney Bunce's disgustingly cheery face beaming down at him. Barney chuckled to himself while Pippin picked up Merry, dusting him down and listening to their exchange.

'…by the way. The vegetable fair opens at 1pm, so it would be good to be there an hour early. We're expecting a delivery of turnips at half twelve, so if you could direct the cart where to go, that would be super…'

Merry nodded slowly throughout, forced expression in place. Pippin could see Merry's mouth twitching, almost ready to say something.

'Barney,' said Merry suddenly. Pippin smiled. _Yes, yes, go on._

'Yes?'

The moment hung in the air, Barney staring at Merry and Merry staring back. But before he could stop it, the moment was gone and Merry's voice was shoved back down his throat and held there. Merry exhaled a weak, 'see you tomorrow then,' feeling Pippin's eyes piercing him with disapproval.

'Alright then,' said Barney happily slapping him on the back, and clambering into his cart. He gave them a wave. 'Bye then.'

Merry and Pippin smiled and waved back.

'Bye,' called Pippin. They started walking away, but Pippin performed a little _oh-I-just-remembered _face. To Merry's confusion, he turned round to face the back of Barney's cart moving away, and yelled, 'Oh Barney, by the way.'

Barney turned in his seat.

And Pippin bellowed down the road. 'Merry doesn't want to be the doorman for your fair. He never did want to be the doorman, and he never will want to. So, I'm afraid you won't be seeing him tomorrow. Sorry.'

Because of the distance, it was difficult to tell what Barney's expression was, which was probably a blessing. But he turned back around and the cart moved further away.

Pippin flashed a grin at Merry, whose jaw hung open in amazement. 'I… I told you that in confidence,' said Merry, dazed. 'You're supposed to be my best friend.'

'That's why I did it,' said Pippin simply.

Merry considered this, pondering this role reversal; usually Merry got Pippin out of trouble. He decided on this occasion, he didn't mind. He smiled, and put his arm round Pippin.

'Thanks.'

'Merry, come on, let's go. You _promised _we wouldn't come here,' whined Pippin.

Despite Pippin's best efforts to dissuade Merry from entering the pipeweed farm, here they were in the backyard. Pippin wasn't quite sure how he'd let it happen. One moment they'd been walking peacefully along a woodland track (Pippin's bad memory meaning he'd forgotten he'd been there before), before he was unceremoniously shoved through a gate.

Squatting down, Merry was taking samples of the manure and pipeweed. Pippin was performing a strange hoppy dance he did when he was nervous.

'I didn't promise anything,' said Merry.

'What if the owner comes back?'

'Hide behind a plant pot.'

'I'm not _that _small.'

'Look, I'm almost done now.'

Pippin looked warily at him. 'You completely betrayed by trust, bringing me here.'

'You betrayed _my _trust earlier, with Barney…'

'No, I didn't. I told the truth.'

'Finished,' said Merry, standing up.

'Great. I can't believe you're going to carry around a bag of smelly poo around in public. That's not going to attract the ladies is it?'

'Actually, I'm not done yet,' said Merry, shifting his eyes to the cottage. 'I'm going to try to get a look in the house.'

Pippin eyes widened with disbelief. 'You're what?'

Merry crept towards the house, and Pippin stared after him. 'You're actually serious.'

'There's nobody in there,' said Merry, detaching himself from the window. He disappeared around the front of the cottage, and Pippin followed nervously. Merry tried the door, but it was locked. Merry swore. Bucklanders were the only residents of the Shire who locked their doors, a trait that marked them as 'bizarre' in the mind of sensible folk, and now this local quirk was certainly a hindrance.

'Help me find a way in, Pip,' pleaded Merry.

Pippin gave a long sigh. 'Okay. Because it's you.' They shared a smile and then commenced a thorough evaluation of the house. This involved yanking at the windows, kicking the door, and searching for loose wall stones.

'Found something,' said Merry, startling Pippin who'd been staring thoughtfully at the chimney. Merry lead him over to a window.

'I already checked that,' said Pippin, pushing it with his shoulder for emphasis.

'Wrong method, mate,' said Merry, giving it a light pull. It swung open.

'Ah,' said Pippin.

Upon entering the cottage, something felt wrong. Hobbit smials/cottages are supposed to be comfortable, inviting, and many other pleasant adjectives. This place was musty. The air was thick. The furniture was moth-eaten. No Hobbit that didn't want to contract a nasty disease would sit on anything in this house. Also, it didn't _smell_ of Hobbit. It smelled of something else. Something foreign.

They searched as much as they dared, but ever-curious Pippin searched too far. Opening the kitchen closet, he saw something odd. A misshapen figure. It did look human, but it couldn't possibly be a Hobbit; it was enormous!

'Man!' yelled Merry. 'It's a Man! Run Pip.'

Pippin backed away, frightened, but slightly in awe of this giant emerging from the shadows. Unfortunately he didn't back away fast enough, as he was promptly picked up by the Man's giant hands. Pippin yelled as his world reversed and rose at the same time, as the Man slung him over his shoulder. Pippin's view of the ground wasn't very exciting, but it was enough to tell that they were moving outside.

'Put him down,' came Merry's voice. Then there was a yelp. Merry had been picked up too, meaning they were now in deep poo (also literally, in the Man's case.) The two Hobbits' brains worked furiously, trying to think of a way out of this predicament as the Man walked slowly into the garden. They tried struggling, pounding his giant back and yelling insults. None worked.

But the solution presented itself in the form of a rake. Like most Big Folk, this Man was clumsy and trod on the metal prongs of the rake. Unfortunately this was a Hobbit-sized rake, so instead of the handle springing up and hitting him in the face in the usual comedy fashion, it sprang up and hit him somewhere far more uncomfortable instead.

The Man toppled forwards, bringing the Hobbits with him. While Pippin sprawled inelegantly on the ground, Merry landed on his feet.

'Wow,' he said, impressed with himself. 'That took skill.'

But he didn't get any further, because Pippin had yanked him by his arm, and the two found themselves running away as fast as they could.

The Shirrif's office was a quiet place, and was probably one of the more uneventful Shirrif Houses in the Shire. For that reason Shirrif Adam Puddifoot was very alarmed to find himself in the midst of excitement, when two young Hobbits pelted into the Shirrif House, out of breath, and spurting a flurry of garbled speech.

'… a Man chased us all over the hills…'

'…his foot got stuck in a rabbit hole so that bought us some time…'

'…he was hiding at the pipeweed farm…'

'…he must have been at least six foot…'

'…almost got us, but we hid in a log…'

'…couldn't get out afterwards, but that's another story…'

'…and he's still out there now…'

'Hold on gentleman,' interrupted Adam, holding up a hand. He looked at the parchment in front of him, attempting to decipher his scribbles. 'So far I've got something about a six-foot Hobbit trapped in a log and a rabbit hiding on a pipeweed farm.'

But the conversation halted when the blonde Hobbit nudged his friend, pointing out the window. They both gasped and flung themselves inside the nearest cupboard.

'Erm, gentlemen…' began Adam, but trailed off. He peered disbelievingly out the window to see a Man blundering about outside. A Man. In the Shire. This wasn't good at all.

In the next half hour, most of the neighbouring villages had seen or heard about the Man rampaging through Buckland.

Adam, some of the local people, and a recovered Merry and Pippin had gathered and held a brief conference to come up with some strategies of how to capture the Man. They'd established that he was Big and Scary, and that they were Little, but they calculated that because there were more of them, restraining the Man should be fairly easy, as long as they were smart about it. And that's where they struggled for a while.

But after much head-scratching and arguing, eventually the Man was caught, Hobbit-style. Using food… well, sort of. They located the man wandering through a valley, apparently completely lost. A team of Hobbits had slunk around the hillside and bombarded the Man with bags of flour to obscure his view (bizarrely, this was an established Hobbit battle technique, used to disorientate the enemy. Not that Hobbits were involved in many battles. In fact, this was the first time this particular tactic had been used.) Then a rather large fishing net (with fish still in it) was slung over the Man and his flapping arms. He was then briefly questioned, it being revealed (much to Merry's satisfaction) that he was some corrupt Breelander, trying to grab himself a slice of the Shire's market, but using methods not good for the public's health e.g dodgy manure. The Man was bundled into a cart and sent back to Bree with a message, 'we want your food not your people.'

Adam was very grateful to Merry and Pippin for 'smoking' the man out of hiding, as it were.

'I wish I could give you a monetary reward, but I don't have the authority… or the money. So, erm, if you see anything you want in here, you're welcome to it,' he said, gesturing around at his tumbledown office.

Merry and Pippin exchanged a grin, eyes landing on the same thing. 'As a matter of fact,' said Merry. 'There is something

'Well, erm, that's interesting boys,' commented Esmeralda, examining their prize that hung proudly on the wall.

'Oh it's ugly, Pippin,' said Eglantine. 'Whatever did you want that for?'

Vinca raised an eyebrow. 'Of all the things you could have asked for, you chose a wooden fish nailed to a plaque.'

'We asked him for his little feathered cap first, but he couldn't give us that for official reasons,' said Pippin. 'So we saw this plaque, and sharing a passion for bizarre items, we agreed we had to have it.'

'And what do you mean _of all the things you could have chosen_?' asked Merry. 'His office wasn't exactly brimming with treasures.'

Paladin was frowning at the fish. 'That's terrible workmanship.'

Nel had her head bent to one side. 'It looks like a radish from this angle.'

'Pip and I are going to share it,' said Merry proudly. 'Half the time it'll live here, and the other half at the Great Smials.'

'Wonderful,' muttered Paladin.

'Well as long as it stays in your room, Pippin,' said Eglantine. 'And don't think we've forgotten your unexplained presence at a pipeweed farm. We told you that you're too young for all that.'

'But honestly auntie,' protested Merry. 'We didn't go there to get pipeweed. We only went to investigate. Pippin didn't even want to go in-'

'But he did,' cut in Eglantine.

'Trust us,' said Pippin. 'We didn't want any pipeweed.'

'Trust you?' shouted his mother. 'After everything you've done this holiday?'

Pippin felt himself getting quite emotional, and he felt very silly for getting upset over something so trivial. 'But Mum… it's true.'

Pearl put her arm around him. 'I believe him Mum.'

Eglantine sighed and suddenly looked very weary. 'Oh darling. I'm very proud of both of you. But sometimes I can't help be suspicious. But… I will trust you, and I will not punish you this time.'

This was met with smiles from Merry and Pippin, and a groan of disappointment from Vinca's direction.

Later that night, after another eating contest, (who can mop up their gravy the fastest using only spuds. Had to be postponed due to shortage of spuds), and while everyone else was asleep, Merry and Pippin decided to play game called Surprise Story, where they alternating writing lines of the same story, seeing what ridiculous product they came up with.

They were both sat up in bed, candle on the bedside, passing the paper to one another, when Pippin asked with uncharacteristic seriousness, 'Do you think I let my family down?'

Merry looked up from writing. 'What do you mean?'

'Like,' began Pippin, fiddling with the sheets. 'Mum just assumed I'd been smoking the pipeweed. She didn't trust me. Do you think my family think I'm a bad person?'

Merry rolled his eyes. 'Pippin. Your family, along with many others, think you're one of the sweetest, most selfless people around. Everyone always used to say what a good-nature child you were.'

'_Were,' _said Pippin. 'Maybe they think badly of me now.'

Merry smiled. 'Impossible. C'mon, let's read our story.'

Pippin had started off, with a suitably eccentric beginning.

_**One day, a farmer ate his dog by mistake**__._

**That night he experienced serious indigestion.**

_**Farts erupted from him an astounding rate, not helped by the large Dwarf jumping up and down on his stomach.**_

**The Dwarf commented on how round the farmers windows were, before smashing every one of them. **

_**A crazed sheep, disturbed by the noise, took a chunk out the Dwarf's leg, before dancing a jig on the farmer's nose.**_

**The farmer sneezed, firing the sheep into the sky, where it landed on a surprised rabbit.**

_**Later that night, the Dwarf tried to sell rabbit pancakes to a passing woman, who readily accepted.**_

**Her son later choked on a grubby button lodged in the pancake. **

_**The woman sent the regurgitated button back to the farmer, who gratefully fastened his trousers together after a day of flying low. **_

They were busy laughing at their ludicrous creation when they realised their bed sheets were on fire.

Now used to setting things on fire, it was Pippin to the rescue, who grabbed the nearest water jug and tossed the contents on the flames.

'Phew,' he breathed, but then due to lack of light, he crashed into the bedside table. Pippin swore as angry thumping could be heard outside, and light spilled into the room. Vinca's angry face appeared in the doorway, her gaze settling on Pippin, who was rubbing his foot.

'Ah, so it was you,' hissed Vinca. 'Good job I wasn't asleep. But I am now, so you'd better shut up. You're always crashing into things. Are you incapable of seeing two feet in front of you?'

With that, the door shut and the angry thumping moved away.

'I swear she's making more noise than you did,' laughed Merry.

'Come on. Let's sleep.'

That night, Pippin's dreams swirled with images of his family. They were all shouting at him.

**Hope you enjoyed… Chapter six coming soon!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of this. It is the property of J.R.. **

**Chapter Six- Thursday**

'So, this is the dump they want us to work on?'

'Merry!' scolded his father. 'It is not a dump.'

'It looks like one to me. Right Pip?'

'Yup. Just like a muddy hole blasted into the hillside.'

Saradoc tutted. 'That's what _all _Hobbit holes look like when they're being built. This is our culture. Sillies!' He pinched both their cheeks affectionately, something neither of them appreciated in their current mood. You see, the three of them were currently standing in front of a Hobbit hole construction site (one of the least exciting places in Middle Earth, as no construction ever actually appears to be happening because Hobbits' breaks take up rather a lot of time. Which is understandable. All that tea can't drink itself.) Merry and Pippin had been awoken at the painful hour of 7am, and had been told by Esmeralda that their fathers had some activity in store for them.

'We'd like you boys to rebuild the shed you burnt down, not necessarily this holiday, but in the future. So we thought we'd get you to practice on Mr. Roper's home. He's very kindly agreed to let you help with construction for today.'

Merry and Pippin looked at each other, beyond surprised. 'Erm,' began Merry. 'Did you tell him our names?'

'Of course.'

'And does this man know we burnt down a shed?'

'No, obviously I didn't tell him _that.'_

Merry raised an eyebrow. 'So, you value the quality of our shed more than this man's family home?'

Esmeralda pushed her hair behind her ear. 'Don't be silly dear. You'll do fine. Anyway, your father is really keen to have a go himself.'

'Dad?' sniggered Merry. 'Last time he tried to put up a shelf, it fell off again five minutes later when you put the apple pie on it.'

His mother ignored him. 'Your dad is eager too, Pippin. He always was practical when he was little.'

Pippin raised a disbelieving eyebrow.

Esmeralda continued. 'When we were children, he would fix all my toys that our sisters destroyed… and then he'd trip over something and break it again, but the thought was there.'

_Crash_

'Dad, you're going to fall out,' called Pippin.

'No, I'm not,' came the muffled response. 'Stop being daft.'

Merry and Pippin were standing in the upstairs of the mid-construction hobbit hole. The reason Paladin was leaning out the window was that he was trying to make some kind of drainage system using some old clay piping, but he'd stubbornly refused to use a ladder. It wasn't going very well, having not even got one pipe in place. Merry and Pippin were contributing by watching him struggle, and giving words of encouragement and warnings.

Paladin wobbled again, and Pippin grabbed his waist. 'Whoa!' said Paladin, laughing merrily. 'Almost went then.'

Pippin winced. 'Hilarious. Look, let me have a go.'

'Alright Pip.'

'Uncle,' began Merry. 'Do you think that's-'

Just then Saradoc walked in. 'You given up, Paladin?'

'Yes he has,' came Pippin's windswept voice. '_I'm _doing it now, so it can only get better.'

'I hope that was sarcasm,' said Merry.

'Well, I've got one up,' said Pippin, now reaching to the left. 'Just the other and we're done on this section-'

_Crash_

Pippin swore.

'Oi,' scalded Paladin.

'Sorry Dad, but I dropped the pipe and it's on the ground… in two pieces.'

'Ah forget it, we need a rest now anyway,' said Paladin, slapping him on the back and almost shoving him out the window in the process.

'We can't just leave it out there,' protested Pippin, remerging. 'Some child might come along and trip up or choke on it.'

'Choke on a three foot pipe!' said Merry, erupting with laughter.

'You know what I mean. It's dangerous.'

'Let me have a look,' said Merry, leaning out the window.

Pippin called over, 'Be careful of the other pipe. It's not quite-'

_Crash_

'Oh dear,' said Merry.

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Mr. Roper was less than happy with the performance of the builders. He'd now had zero pipes attached to his house, but instead one had landed on his cat, and the second one had landed on him. After regaining consciousness, Mr. Roper was about ready to relieve Merry and Pippin of their voluntary employment but after much talk (and food bribes) from Paladin, Mr Roper agreed to let them continue, on the condition they stay away from the house and be given a basic garden job. Surely nothing could go wrong pulling up weeds?

But as Pippin found out, it depends on how vigorously you pull them up. After Pippin had uprooted half the garden, Paladin demoted him from Weed Puller to Weed Collector. Pippin reluctantly agreed, navigated his way through the newly-cratered lawn, and over to his father, who thrust a basket in his hands.

Pippin found this work Boring, which was never a good thing. Whilst resting (because picking up weeds is very physically demanding) he decided he'd take a look at what Merry was up to. Rather annoyingly, Merry had been promoted to Flower Planter along with Saradoc. And after accidently trampling the freshly-planted violets (and several of Saradoc's fingers), Pippin was politely asked if he could please remove himself from the flower garden and return to his duties. Pippin did so, rather annoyed. However, eventually, Pippin was certain that despite his meagre excuse for a job, he was the best Weed Collector the hobbit hole construction business had ever seen.

Mr Roper even thought that Pippin wasn't that bad at his job, now he'd settled down a bit. But this was before Mr Roper went to the toilet. Unfortunately, so enthusiastic was Pippin in his role, that he hadn't realised he'd been throwing the weeds in the wrong hole. Instead of depositing them safely in the waste hole, he'd instead been throwing them in the trench that was serving as the workmen's toilet which resulted in Mr Roper adding nettle-stung buttocks to his list of injuries.

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'No way,' said Saradoc, firmly shaking his head. 'They're not going anywhere near the new shed. They are _not _suited to the construction business.'

The group had returned to Brandy Hall as failures, after being told to leave by Mr Roper. Though _told _was a rather gentle word; chased-of-the-property-by-Mr Roper-and-his-cat was more accurate.

'I'm sorry,' said Pippin, with genuine shame.

'Look,' snapped Eglantine. 'Why don't you two just go and have fun or something? Leave this to us.'

Merry and Pippin should have felt elated at this suggestion, but instead they felt the opposite. They remained in a gloomy mood all lunchtime, and this did not go unnoticed by the rest of the family. Pippin only had one serving of dessert, a clear indicator he was feeling guilty. After lunch, when Merry and Pippin were moping around in their room, Nel strode in and threw their coats at them.

'Come on,' she said. 'We're going to have a swim in the lake. Vinca's coming too. We're fed up of you two moping around.'

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Pippin and his sisters jumped head first into the cool depths of the lake, whilst Merry (notoriously bad at outdoor sports of any kind) decided he would stand back and observe. He perched himself on a log to read a book. However his peace didn't last long; he had to move several times because the splashing was becoming increasingly far-reaching each time, and then finally Pippin got out the lake and insisted that Merry join them. Merry refused at first, but then Pippin grabbed his book, and foreseeing a childish argument, Merry reluctantly began undressing. Satisfied, Pippin was about to give the book back, but instead stumbled on a rock and dropped it in the lake.

Merry was more amused than angry, insisting that it didn't matter because he'd read it before. But this didn't stop Nel performing a dramatic dive into the lake to retrieve it. Nor did it stop her from dashing off into the woods to find a suitable branch to drape it over. While Merry chased after her, Pippin settled back into the lull of the lake, enjoying a relaxing swim. He floated for some time, on his back with his eyes closed… until; roaring blackness. His arms flailed and it was only when bubbles escaped from his mouth that he realised he was underwater. And then he felt a hand firmly planted on the top of his head, holding him down. Eventually the fingers released their grip, and Pippin broke to the surface. The roaring stopped, and now he heard Vinca's annoyingly high laugh cut through him.

'Dunked you!'

Pippin grinned, before propelling himself at her, whilst she swam away, half-laughing half-shrieking. Meanwhile, Merry and Nel had returned (minus the book), and Merry was pushed into the lake by Nel, who dived in after him, yelling, 'Dunk fight!'

Pippin looked around the lake. 'Where?'

'_Dunk _fight, not duck.'

'Oh.'

The next half hour was spent happily dunking each other, lake sploshing and rippling with the enthusiasm of their chases. But they decided to stop when Pippin almost fainted from being dunked too long. Unfortunately that was just the beginning of Pippin's ailments.

Later that afternoon, when they'd returned from the lake, Pippin had started sneezing and his head didn't feel too great either.

'Oh you poor dear,' cooed Esmeralda. 'I'll make you my herbal anti-sniffles medicine.'

'No, really Auntie, I'm fine,' said Pippin, interrupting himself with a sneeze.

'You're certainly not alright,' said Eglantine, as Esmeralda rushed into the kitchen. 'Sneezing, light-headed, high temperature. What were you doing this afternoon?'

'Ooh, well the four of us went swimming in the lake,' said Nel, who was feeling Pippin's forehead so thoroughly that it was making it even hotter than it already was.

Eglantine winced. 'Oh darling, you know he's delicate. Did you girls make sure he dried off properly? You know he's a little lax when it comes to details.'

'Mum, funnily enough we didn't watch our brother dry himself,' said Vinca.

'And besides,' said Nel. 'You can't catch a cold that quick, surely? It must have been coming on for a few days.'

'I suppose I have felt a little strange these past few days,' said Pippin, prising Nel's hand from his forehead.

'Really?' said Eglantine, not convinced. 'Well, either way, it was irresponsible girls. You're supposed to look after your little brother.'

'Mum, I'm taller than them,' protested Pippin.

'You're not taller than me; maybe Nel, but not-'

'I meant little in the sense of age, darling,' said Eglantine. 'Pippin, you must get some rest right away.'

Esmeralda bustled in carrying her anti-sniffles medicine, famous for tasting like watery leaves, looking like cat wee and doing absolutely nothing to help.

Pippin gave his father a pleading look.

'Drink up,' said Paladin, smirking. He'd had to endure his fair share of his sister's remedies, and felt that it was high time somebody else suffered.

Pippin did as he was told, and Esmeralda beamed. 'I'll bring you one every hour.'

Pippin groaned.

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The first time it had been an arrow. This time it was a rock, sailing past the window. Pippin sprung back from the sill, heart thumping. He held an empty cup in his hand; the third batch of anti-sniffles medicine that he had thrown out the window. Each time he'd thrown one out, he'd been met with anonymous hostility from various blunt objects from below.

Just then the door began to open, and Pippin sprang back onto his bed. It was his mother.

'You'll ruin those bed springs if you're not careful. Why are you leaping about anyway? You're ill.'

'I wasn't leaping. I've just been to the toilet and I fell. By the way Mum, I think somebody is trying to assassinate me.'

'That's nice darling. Dinner's ready now.'

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As it turned out, it was rather a bad decision for Pippin to eat dinner. For one, he over-ambitiously competed against Merry and Nel in some eating contests. First they played 'who can build the highest mashed potato tower.' But Eglantine thought they were trying to sculpt something inappropriate and made them stop. Then they'd moved onto 'chew up your food and show it to each other, and the first one to get caught loses.' This made Pippin feel queasy (or could it have been the three servings of sponge cake) and had to go and lie down.

Now Merry and Nel were sitting in the lounge, having just been banished from the kitchen for trying to swap Pippin's anti-sniffles medicine with elderberry wine.

Eglantine was sitting opposite them, occasionally looking up from her book to give them instructions. 'Now don't stretch him too much tomorrow. No silly games that mean jiggling about too much. If he needs to rest at any point, let him-'

There was an ear-splitting screech and Esmeralda rushed into the room holding a cup of anti-sniffles medicine. 'It's Pippin! He's gone.'

**Hope you enjoyed. The final chapter is on its way soon. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Here is the final chapter. Thanks to everyone for being so patient; I've had exams recently, so revision took the majority of my free time. Anyway, I want to thank everyone for reading this; I started writing the rough draft of this fanfiction over a year ago. I didn't realise just how long it would take me to upload it all to a decent standard. Merry and Pippin are my favourite LOTR characters, and I've loved writing about them so much. I just hope you've enjoyed reading about them too. **

**(And I hope you didn't get too annoyed with all the bird poo-related humour. Reading back through the fanfiction, I seem to have mentioned bird poo in virtually every chapter. I hope you're not too worried about me.)**

**Disclaimer- I do not own any of this. It is all the property of J.R.**

Chapter Seven- Friday

Trumpets were sounded. Drums beaten. Hankies poised. Relatives informed. Search parties made. Announcements announced; _hear this Brandy Hall. Peregrin Took is missing. _

Everyone reacted in different ways. Nel and Esmeralda were the most hysterical, while Eglantine and Pearl bustled about, being practical, but staying calm. Vinca and Merry were too worried to think properly, and just blindly did what they were told. Paladin just swore a lot.

The cousins had been grouped into search parties and now information was being gathered on sightings of Pippin. Unfortunately, most potential witnesses had either been eating or sleeping at the time, and those that had been doing neither were extremely unobservant. One lady didn't even know who Pippin was ('Is that a type of fruit?'), which was rather concerning, as she was supposed to be his great-aunt.

But Merry struck upon gold when he spoke to the man directly below Pippin's room; some distant cousin called Lenmac Brandybuck. He seemed very concerned indeed.

'Oh dear, no. Oh my gosh… I've really done it.'

Merry frowned. 'Done what?'

Lenmac shuffled nervously. 'I thought a bird was disposing its waste on my window, so-'

'Sorry, what?' asked Vinca.

'Well, this weird yellowy-greeny stuff kept coming from the sky and landing down the glass.'

Merry and Vinca hid their grins.

'So, I fired a few arrows and threw some rocks up at the window ledge above me, you know to scare it off,' finished Lenmac, getting slightly hysterical. 'Oh gosh! I've killed the Thain's son!'

'No, no,' said Merry, holding up his hands. 'You haven't killed him.'

'You don't know that! YOU DON'T KNOW!'

'We didn't find a body,' pointed out Merry.

Lenmac's face relaxed. 'Phew, thank goodness.'

'But you may have possibly frightened him into running away, and then being killed,' added Merry.

The news was relayed to the rest of the family. 'Oh yes,' said Eglantine vaguely. 'He did mention something to me about being assassinated.'

But Pearl was in some doubt. 'I don't think Pippin would have been scared by some blunt objects thrown. It has to be more than just that.'

'But what? Why would he just leave Brandy Hall without telling anybody?' said Esmeralda, who was in a worse state that Pippin's parents. But then again, Pippin's parents didn't have a childhood history of anxiety attacks like Esmeralda did.

'Right, just calm down everyone, just for a second,' said Paladin wearily. 'Kids, you go look for him in the grounds. Adults, write letters further afield asking for information. I'll hold fort here, in case he turns up.'

'Why do you get to stay all warm indoors?' Eglantine asked her husband, quite reasonably.

'Because…' Paladin failed to think of a decent reason. 'Because I'm fed up of all this. The lad will have just got himself into some silly predicament, he won't be in any danger, I can see it already. I've just had enough of it. I wish he'd take more care of himself.'

Everyone was quiet, all thinking pretty much the same thing, yet at the same time very, very worried.

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Just as the search parties were released, it started to rain. The week had been bursting at the seams with sunshine, but as luck would have it, just when they wanted to conduct a countryside hunt for a missing relative, the weather decided it would be miserable for them. How inconvenient.

None of the locals questioned them; both the Took and Brandybuck families had a certain reputation for being slightly… eccentric. So, seeing a whole troupe of them tromping through muddy grass, hacking through bushes, and occasionally yelling at the top of their voice was a fairly normal occurrence. Worryingly.

A half hour into the search, their only achievements had been frightening all the countryside animals, and churning up a few gardens. Pippin remained unfound.

Despite the urgency of the mission they couldn't shake off their Hobbit natures, so decided to have a break. Nel had managed to keep the sandwiches mostly intact despite falling over about seven times in the past hour. The atmosphere was miserable; sipping on water, chewing on crumbs, and trying not to notice the pitter-patter of rain constantly trickling over their skin. In her attempts to get comfortable, Vinca's foot snagged on something.

'It's his scarf!' she yelled, brandishing the muddy piece of wool. 'Look, I've found Pippin's scarf.'

Everyone scrambled over to look. Indeed it was Pippin's scarf, almost as inseparable to him as Merry. And yet here it was, lying on the ground in the middle of the Buckland countryside.

'Well, that's good and bad then,' said Merry.

'Why?' asked Nel, panic rising. 'Why is it good? He would never be parted from his scarf! Never!'

Pearl patted her shoulder, while Vinca rolled her eyes. 'Yes, but Pippin is very capable of losing things by accident. Even his scarf.'

'It's good because it means he left Brandy Hall of his own accord, so wasn't kidnapped by vengeful Dwarves or something,' said Merry. 'Bad because we don't know _how _he lost the scarf once he was out here, meaning he could still be in trouble.'

'The vengeful Dwarves might have been violent to him!' wailed Nel.

Pearl looked utterly confused. 'What the heck are you all going on about? This is the Shire; I don't think Pippin's going to have been beaten up by vengeful Dwarves.'

'Why are these Dwarves vengeful anyway?' asked Vinca.

Merry rolled his eyes, regretting ever starting this conversation. 'Look, forget the Dwarves. That was just an example. I don't know what's happened to him, but we need to find out how long ago he was here.'

'Is the scarf fresh?' asked Nel suddenly.

'…What?'

'Is it fresh? That's the way to tell how long ago someone was here.'

'Erm… I think that only works with droppings Nel.'

'Ah, okay!'

After calling Pippin's name for a good few minutes, they decided that Pippin was no longer here. Defeated, they moved onto another patch, desperately perusing the dusty paths for any signs of footprints. Instead they found a bizarre-looking tree.

'That's a bizarre-looking tree,' commented Pearl.

And indeed; it was very bizarre-looking. All the way up the trunk there was what seemed to be a streak of red running into the branches. The branches themselves didn't look normal either; the leaves were ruffled and bent to one side, and absolutely drenched in bird poo.

'I've never seen anything like it!' said Pearl.

Merry frowned. 'Either one massive bird has perched there or-'

'Or a whole flock has exploded and the shock waves bent the tree,' said Nel, finishing the sentence for him, though not in quite the way that Merry was going to.

'The mystery deepens,' said Merry.

Suddenly, Nel screeched.

'Oh goodness, it's a vengeful Dwarf!'

Merry sighed. 'Nel, we've been through this-'

'Look!'

Wearily, Merry, Vinca and Pearl followed her shaking finger to see a stooped figure on the top of a far-off hill. It was difficult to tell from this distance, but this silhouette seemed to have a lot of shaggy hair sprouting from his chin, and was holding an axe and wearing what looked like bulky armour. Weapon raised, head darting and looking very suspicious indeed. But before the four Hobbits could act, he disappeared over the hill and out of sight.

'After him!

Before they'd barely started running, the Dwarf disappeared over a hill. They ran faster, only to find their effort was fruitless. The Dwarf had melted into the landscape.

'Oh, how bothersome. All that running for nothing, and uphill as well,' said Nel.

'Where _has _that Dwarf gone?' panted Vinca. 'We should be able to hear him; Dwarves are quite clumpy, aren't they?'

'Maybe he's gone towards that lake,' suggested Nel. 'You know, to throw us off his scent.'

'We're not bloodhounds, Nel,' pointed out Merry.

But they went over to the lake regardless, and splashed their sweaty faces with the chilled water. There was a strange atmosphere about this lake. It was weird to think of a lake having an atmosphere, but it was true. For example, the one they had swam in yesterday had had a jolly atmosphere, the sunlight sparkling on the water face, and the trees rustling comfortingly. But this lake was darker, and had a chilling wind slicing over the dark blue water. It reminded Merry of Tookland, windswept with a wild beauty that was both intimidating and breathtaking. Merry could feel hair prickling up his back, and he shivered, wiping the water off his face with the picnic blanket.

'Well, what next?' asked Vinca.

Merry shrugged like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 'We keep looking. And we don't stop until we find him.'

'I wouldn't bet on that happening,' said voice from behind them.

The four Hobbits froze, water dribbling off their faces. Slowly they turned around to face a rather angry-looking Dwarf wielding a rather dangerous-looking axe.

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It had probably been one of the more unusual days of Pippin's life. And that was certainly a bold claim, as Pippin's life had always overflowed with unusual days. Most of them triggered by him. But this time it genuinely wasn't his fault. It _wasn't. _He _had _to investigate, otherwise who knows what may have happened with that hairy _thing _roaming the Shire. And now Pippin found himself covered in blood, bird poo, animal fur and wedged on a very precarious ledge, only prevented from falling off by a few flimsy ropes.

But maybe we should backtrack here.

Last night Pippin had been propped up in bed, trying to think of a new plan for Getting Rid of the next lot of anti-sniffles medicine that would be on its way shortly. He'd been growing rather concerned about the arrows and rocks that had been thrown back the first few times he'd thrown it out the window, and was trying to think of new disposal locations. The plant-pot maybe? _Better not. Might kill it. _Down the sink was a more logical choice, but Pippin never threw anything down the sink anymore, due to a traumatising childhood experience involving a goldfish. _It'll have to be out the window again. _

Pippin went over to the window to scout the ground for potential Pouring Places, when he noticed something that made him look twice. A Dwarf. Just standing casually near a clump of trees outside. Pippin frowned; should he go and tell an adult? That would be the sensible thing to do. However, Pippin reasoned that there would be no harm in just popping outside to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. You know, scout the ground and report back. The adults might not take him seriously if he said he'd seen a Dwarf with no evidence. Come to think of it, they didn't take many things Pippin said seriously. True, he knew he was ditsy and lacking common sense, but sometimes it would be nice to tell his family something without them thinking he was mistaken, or joking around with them. And he hadn't exactly been his parents' favourite person this week, so maybe he could redeem himself by being Helpful by Investigating on his own.

Without a second thought, he put on his coat and scarf, opened the bedroom door, looked left and right, before slinking down the corridor. Now it was just a case of dodging relatives all the way to the front door. Keeping his head down, and using bushes for cover, Pippin made his way over to the clump of trees. He settled behind one, and peeked out. There was no visual sign of the Dwarf, but Pippin could hear some rustling. He was about to advance further, when he noticed a chill around his neck.

He'd lost his scarf. Pippin's eyes scanned the floor around him, his Dwarf-hunt forgotten. After all, he couldn't continue his search with a cold neck. He backtracked a little, eyes always on the ground. He was starting to panic; that scarf had been given to him by his grandmother when he was seven. She'd specifically told him never to lose it. True, that had been well over ten years ago and she was long dead now, but still. He'd promised.

But instead of finding his scarf, he found something far more unpleasant. In fact, he almost trod in it. The _it _was a rabbit, its leg caught in a hunter's snare trap. It was struggling so feebly that Pippin felt sad, and so released it. But instead of bouncing away in the usual frisky, hoppy-like nature that is expected of rabbits, it sort of dragged itself along the ground, blood seeping from its other side. Gently, Pippin picked it up and noticed that a spike from the trap had also embedded itself in the rabbit's stomach. And then it stopped breathing; dead, just like that. But before Pippin could even contemplate mouth-to-mouth an angry shout echoed through the trees.

'Oi! Get off my rabbit.'

Pippin looked behind him. The Dwarf was standing through the trees, red-haired, annoyed and axe-wielding. Pippin ran, still holding the rabbit. Whilst running, he thought he saw his scarf strewn on the ground. But there was no time to stop and pick it up. He dashed up a tree, smearing the trunk with blood. Pippin reached as far as he could go, sat on the branch, hardly daring to breath. What followed was a lot of rustling and annoyed noises below him as the Dwarf searched the forest floor for him. After about five minutes, Pippin dared peak down at the forest floor. His scarf was gone; _he's taken it hostage _thought Pippin.

But his thoughts were interrupted by the unexpected arrival of the tree's residents; a large flock of birds. Now, Pippin wasn't an avid bird watcher, but whatever species they were, they seemed very interested in the rabbit carcass in his hands. Pippin willed them away, trying to half-heartedly hide the corpse, but it didn't work. The birds attacked, flapping and squawking around Pippin's head. They also seemed to be birds with Very Loose Bowels, meaning that their beaks were not the only thing Pippin had to dodge.

'Shush!' Pippin told the birds desperately.

But it was too late. The Dwarf had noticed him.

'A ha!' he exclaimed gruffly.

And then him and his Big Ginger Beard started climbing the tree. It was quite frightening, and Pippin worked his way further along the branch, still batting away the birds. A young Hobbit edging along a thinning branch was no problem, but a muscled, heavily armoured Dwarf climbing along could only mean trouble. The tree started groaning and tipping to one side, completely off-balance. A nightmare scenario formed in Pippin's mind; if that Dwarf fell off the branch somehow, then the tree would rebound and Pippin would be catapulted through the air like a slingshot ball. A plan formulated, but his timing would have to be perfect.

He dangled his feet off the branch, waiting for the Dwarf to get closer and then _thump! _Pippin threw the rabbit in the Dwarf's face. As Pippin dropped lightly to the ground, a swarm of screeching birds bombarded the Dwarf, who fell out of the tree, and then flailed around on the ground as they pecked his beard.

But Pippin was running and running and running, not looking back. He ran out of the trees, flew across the countryside, legs carrying him over hills. Eventually he stopped when he saw a waterfall cascading over the side of a cliff. Panting he slowed to a halt, getting near enough to experience the waterfall's refreshing spray, but not so close that he would fall off. And that's when his foot snagged on a hidden rope. He toppled forward. The rope contraption unravelled, not used to prey this big, but stopped just as Pippin was about to roll of the ledge.

For a few minutes, Pippin sat panting on the ground. Then he became aware that his leg was extremely painful. And not only was he tangled in rope and perched on a precarious cliff next to a violent waterfall, but metal teeth had bit through the back of his coat (narrowly missing him) and anchored him to the ground.

'Oh dear,' he said at last. And then he thought it would be a good idea to shout _help _andtrying not to think about the likelihood that there was nobody around to hear him.

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'Argh!' exclaimed Saradoc. 'A Dwarf! Get my shovel, Es!'

'Don't mum,' warned Merry. 'It's alright. We know him.'

The adults still looked suspicious, but allowed the Dwarf to sit calmly on the sofa nonetheless.

'Explain,' demanded Eglantine.

And so they did. Merry told them how the Dwarf had advanced towards them, and they'd braced themselves for a fight before the Dwarf revealed that he actually wasn't a Dwarf. Instead of being called something like Kourin Slit-Sword, he revealed he was Bobby Burrows, a Hobbit living in Buckland.

'The Dwarf disguise is my hunting trick,' Bobby had explained. 'As you might have noticed, I'm quite tall for a Hobbit, so all that remained really was to put on some armour and stick on a fake beard, and Bob's your uncle.'

'You're not my uncle,' said Nel.

'How does dressing up as a Dwarf help your hunting?' asked Merry.

'I don't know really,' said Bobby, shrugging. 'It seems to keep away foxes, but attracts rabbits. I discovered the trick by accident.'

Merry didn't enquire as to why Bobby was dressing up as a Dwarf in the first place in order to discover it by accident, but deduced that this fellow was rather mad. But still, he might be able to help.

But before Merry could ask, Bobby continued speaking. 'I suppose you're looking for your friend…' And Bobby went on to tell them the chase story. 'I thought he was a thief you see. I admit, I was angry. But afterwards when the poor lad ran off, I realise I must have terrified him. So I went after him to see if he was alright; wanted to give his scarf back too, you know. Dropped it along the way though, unfortunately… ah, you found it! Good stuff. Well, anyway, instead of him, I found you lot.'

'And so we brought him back here,' finished Merry.

The adults listened to this story with growing concern. Eglantine winced. 'That boy is such a fool. What was he doing outside anyway?'

'No time to deliberate, we need to find the lad,' said Paladin. 'Any idea where he might be?'

Bobby shook his head miserably. 'I think I scared him off good and proper.'

'Still, he should be back by now, surely.'

Suddenly, Bobby's eyes widened. 'Oh blimey.'

'What?'

'Just remembered. I set some bigger hunting traps, you know, for larger prey. And he could… you know…'

They did know.

Without further discussion, Merry, Vinca, Nel, Pearl, Esmeralda, Saradoc, Paladin and Eglantine all trooped out of Brandy Hall, led by Bobby, on an urgent rescue mission.

The sky was beginning to blur with darkness, and it was starting to get chilly. In their rush, nobody had brought suitable clothing and everyone could hear each other shivering and rubbing their arms. The walk seemed to last forever, and their concern for Pippin grew stronger with every step.

Bobby went on ahead, occasionally giving the air a big snort before nodding to himself and changing direction. Eventually, the sound of rushing water filled their ears and through the dimming light they could see the form of Pippin. They all rushed over to him, but it became apparent that they couldn't get too close. Pippin was too far out of reach, and was half hanging of the ledge, entangled by ropes that were hooked over Pippin and many different rocks and protrusions.

'Oh, lord,' said Eglantine. Vinca clapped her hands over her mouth.

Paladin called out. 'Pippin can you hear me?'

Pippin's eyes opened, and looked up. 'Oh, hey Dad! Must have fallen asleep for a second there.'

'Don't worry son, we're going to pull you in with the ropes.'

'Can't do that. There's metal teeth or something cut through the back of my coat. It's holding me to the ground.'

'Pippin,' said Merry slowly. 'Why don't you just take your coat off?'

Silence.

'Oh yeah!'

A dozen heads shook in exasperation.

'But do it carefully!' warned Merry.

Once Pippin had removed his coat successfully, Paladin grasped the ropes.

'Wait!' said Bobby. 'You can't pull him in like that, the ropes will tighten. It might strangle him. You need to untangle them first.'

'Fine then,' said Paladin, stooping.

'Wait!'

'WHAT NOW!'

'If you untangle the wrong ones, it might undo the ropes entirely and he may plummet to his death…'

Paladin was giving him a look that meant something like _if you don't tell me how to help my son, you'll be the one plummeting to your death. _

Bobby gulped. 'So, I really need to untangle them myself to make sure that doesn't happen.'

'Very well,' said Paladin. 'You do that, but be quick about it.'

Bobby crouched down and got to work with Paladin observing him, whilst everyone else looked over the ledge.

'Are you hurt, Pippin?' asked Vinca.

'My leg hurts _a lot. _I don't know if I'll be able to walk on it very well. Is that Dwarf with you by the way?'

Merry explained the whole Hobbit-disguised-as-Dwarf hunting trick.

'Well he convinced me,' said Pippin. 'That's why I went out there; I thought there was a suspicious Dwarf lurking in the Shire

'Oh honestly Pippin!' said his mother, close to tears (which was _very _unusual for Eglantine Took.) 'Why do you always have to be so reckless? I know you're a child and everything, but one day you're going to hurt yourself very badly.'

'I just wanted to do something useful!' protested Pippin.

'Well it wasn't very useful.'

And then, before he could stop himself, all the emotion of the past few days spilled out into the dark (along with a few tears, Pippin noticed.) 'Well, I'm sorry, but nothing I do seems to be useful. I try my best to be nice to people, but you all think I'm a horrible person, but I don't mean to be. I just get things wrong all the time, and I hate how you all just _assume _I've made a mistake, like I'm not capable of getting _anything _right. Mum, you didn't trust me when I said I hadn't been smoking pipeweed. Vinca, you're always shouting at me; granted, some of it _is _deserved, but often it's not and I love you so much, do you know that? I just want us to stay in a room for five minutes and not rip each other's heads off. I don't know if it's that time of the month, but it's been particularly bad this week. I just wanted to prove myself that I _can _do something without causing a disaster, but as we can all see, that completely failed. I'm sorry for being a rubbish member of the family.' Pippin finished his speech, and all was silent.

Pearl was the first to speak. 'Erm, I'm sorry, but did you just say we all think you're a horrible person? There are many adjectives to describe you, Pip, but horrible is not one of them.'

'You were always everyone's favourite child,' added Nel enthusiastically. 'People always used to say, strangers who'd just met you, _oh what a sweet child you have there. So kind, so funny.'_

'And completely selfless,' put in Vinca. 'Remember the time when I arrived too late to taste Gandalf's Elven cake, and you gave me your slice? You lied and said you'd already had one.'

'And the time when we went boating,' said Merry. 'I didn't bring my coat because the weather had looked so nice to start with, and then it started pelting it down. You tried to give me your coat, and I refused. You said _but I don't care; so long as you're dry._'

'Okay stop,' said Pippin, feeling a little overwhelmed. 'Of course, that all sounds wonderful. But there's examples of_ everyone_ doing things like that if you think hard enough.'

'But you do these sorts of things daily, Pippin,' said Eglantine. 'You're not a bad person. You're just a very… foolish person. You're always genuinely sorry for what you do, but you also need to learn to be slightly less reckless. I'm not asking you to change, just to tone it down just a little bit.'

'Yeah, Pip,' said Merry's voice. 'Why would I want you to change? I'm not best friends with a clever, cautious, multitalented boy who's Mr. Perfect. I'm best friends with _you, _and you only.'

Pippin could feel a lump welling in his throat and was slightly relieved when Bobby called over to say that he was finished. Finally, Pippin was hauled in, and his leg inspected. It looked painful.

'Ooh, I think I have some anti-sniffles medicine,' said Esmeralda, brandishing the bottle.

'I don't think that's going to help much,' said Paladin, heaving Pippin over his shoulder.

'I'm never eating meat again by the way,' said Pippin.

He was carried all the way back to Brandy Hall, making a heroic (if slightly undignified) entrance to the cheers of the Brandybucks. But then Pippin was laid down on a bed, and given strict instructions to sleep. His eyelids began to droop, when he heard it.

'Oh, I love you too by the way,' whispered Vinca in his ear, just before he fell asleep.

Saturday

'Okay, and go!'

Today's contest was _who can build the highest waffle tower in one minute. _Pippin won, though this could have been Bobby (who was judge) feeling sorry for him for indirectly causing his injury. Afterwards they played, _who can eat a bacon rasher in the fastest time _(Pippin's vegetarian pledge forgotten.) Pippin won that too.

After the games, Bobby attempted to remove his big, scary beard before he ventured into the Shire. 'Don't want to go frightening any more youngsters.' But the problem was that his wife's homemade glue was a bit more high strength than he'd realised. Nel suggested he put a candle near it to warm the glue to liquid. It didn't work. He set his beard on fire three times before he gave up.

'Thanks for the hospitality and all, but I've got to get my wife to fix this,' said Bobby, gesturing at his charred beard. Nel offered to give him one of her bras to cover it with, but Bobby politely declined, certain that this would make him look even more suspicious.

After he'd left, it was time for the Tooks to leave also. Pippin was carried out to the carts, leg still hurting, but on the mend. He'd be running around and injuring himself again in no time.

Merry gave him a huge hug. 'It's been so much fun. I'll be counting down to next time.'

Pippin grinning. 'Yeah, your turn to come to up Tookland.'

Merry smiled back. 'Looking forward to it.'

**Thanks for reading! **


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